Stephy's LiFe

Marseille的黄昏

2006-06-27T00:27:00.000+08:00

有你在,一切都变得那么美好~ :)

2006-06-22T00:11:00.000+08:00

今天他回来了!... 感觉真好!

很多以前觉得很厌烦的事情,今天都变的那么美好! 早上6点起身,虽然很累,但是心理是被喜悦灌溉得满满~起身没有多久,电话就在那头响起,银幕显示外国来电,分外兴奋!,一定是他!捎了一通电话告诉我他到了KLIA... 再过多2个小时,我就可以看到他了也!..再也按奈不了心中的喜悦,狂笑了出来~

见到他真好~为他收拾行李真好~听着他在那里的点点滴滴,心里是无尽的甜蜜~

那种踏实的感觉,实实在在的,就在我身旁的感觉真好!

不太寂寞的孤单生活~

2006-06-18T22:11:00.000+08:00

这个标题显得有点矛盾~ 不过,却是好贴切的心情写实...

上个星期五,他飞去法国了.. 为的是conference...

所以啊,因为conference的准备,临走前,他也怪忙的,所以,我倆也就没有什么在一起的时间...到了星期四,他叫我老远的到causeway point碰面,想应该是出发前要买一些东西,好在旅途上用吧~...跟他碰面了,才知道他也没有什么要买的,就是纯粹要给大家一个短短的在一起的时间... 嘴上是怪他要我大老远地去根他碰面,不过,心里还怪甜蜜的呢~

当然..我陪他去飞机场,送他走... 只不过是短短10天的分开,所以我一直以为我应该不过觉得怎样吧.. 怎么知道,当他要离开的时候,心里那么一抽,眼泪都差一点掉出来了!我想,当他去美国的时候,我回怎样呢?我想我会哭死吧~

还好,我们并没有断了联络..再分开多远,以现在的发达科技,想要联络上,根本就不是问题... 不过,他走的第一,二天,我还怪不习惯的!...就觉得好无聊,没有人陪~...恰好!现在我使用的护肤品牌正在推销.. 买多少钱,就送什么之类的..所以,约了LS和XJ一起去血拼! 结果,果然出血!... 我超资!!不过很开心哦~.. 买了都是自己喜爱的东西~我以为我肯定被他骂死.. 结果正好相反..因为一向来,他也认为女孩子嘛..是应该护一护肤的~~ >.<

很快,就到了星期五..他在欧洲也有一个星期了!.. 心里很是开心,第一,他要回来了!,第二,他成功地做了一个oral presentation, 虽然他说,他觉得没有很好,也没有不好,可是在我的心目中,他真的是我的骄傲! 我想,我应该没有那个能奈,胆量,站在300多个scientist的面前,所出自己目前的研究,跟他们讨论所有的利与弊吧!..所以,当他跟我说,他的presentation over了,我真的很替他开心.. 做了那么多个月的研究,终于在那天有一个很好的结束~...他的喜悦,我感受得到!

说是开心,不过,心情还是有所复杂..因为我的好朋友,好伙伴,LS... 星期五是他的last day in lab...就是说,以后,就要一个人作战了!算是为他farewell, 我,YB, XJ还有她.. 当天晚上到clark quay brewerkz 享用晚餐,好好吃哦!!!!! 气氛极佳!不过,因为没有预定,所以等了好久才到我们,所以,我们都像是饿鬼投胎,看到什么都想吃..真的好好吃！！！顺便，我们也看了一场球赛，叫了５小杯酒．．　虽然我都不喝，那天，豁出去了，就尝一点点．．．诶？．．还蛮好喝的，哈哈．．我真的喝很少．．可是，当我回家时，我觉得好晕哦～～～．．我想我有一点小醉吧～真没有用！

虽然那天晚上，大家都很开心，可是，我还是不开心看LS离开...觉得以后的lab会多一分寂寞了~

2006-05-28T22:37:00.000+08:00

Oh well... This entry shd have a big contrast as compared to my last entry... I was bored, i was unhappy.. and all these juz simply because i was thinking too much, and i was worried too much...

My grandma getting so much better after we back from binturu. Do really pray hard that she can be healthy always.. And I accompanied my mum to seek for doctor for her problem of gastric errosion. She was prescribed with some medicine.. Though knowing this problem cannot be solved within one or 2 days.. its real uneasy to see my mum sufferring from the pain bcoz of this errosion.

After big big arguement, i found that he is so much closer wif us for now... So, feel quite happy to be at home this time.. can't really ask for more from him, juz wish that we can closer and closer, day by day...

Few weeks ago, i easily get angry... and though i know i expected too much from sihai, but still giving him stress, and blames.. for not accompanying me etc... and he still pick up my phone, listened to my worries, and my blames...he beared wif me, didn't explain much too.. until i realize.. i'm juz thinking too much.. knowing he suffered a lot at tat time.. but still never dare to say sorry to him...

A really right time for us to solve the big prob --> our room rent.. Finally found a pair of siblings to stay in the 2nd room and sihai's room.. so at least for next year, i'm going to stay with both of them.. Hopefully.. everything can be better.. at least better than now.. A really right time to rent the 2 rooms out.. a right timing that before we got on cruise... haha..

My bad temper.. somehow lost the time we found our new housemates..and at tat time, i only realize.. nothing was happened btw sihai and i... nothing has changed, juz i myself again, think too much, worried too much.. for the housing problem, for tt he going to leave soon.. and thinking all the nonsense..

With not much stress and worries.. we happily get on board... to enjoy our 2 night cruise...

lazy now.. will continue soon...

I'M BORED

2006-05-01T19:52:00.000+08:00

I tot i shd feel happy as i back at home for abt one week..

But i'm not happy, i'm bored, i'm unmotivated for anything...

Visit my grandma last week. Can't describe the feeling when i saw her. Not to mention about me, she can't even recognize my mum... I know my mum was very sad. Her living condition isn't good. We dun understand how suffer she is, she told me, only grandpa will understand her pain. Every morning, she told me she wanna go... and We simply can't do much, and for all we can do is only pay her a visit.

2nd day, my grandma finally recognize all of us.. and she was happy.. but we were leaving in the next day. At tat time, i was thinking, are we too cruel to ask her recognize us and yet we r leaving soon...?

Last day at grandma's house, i saw my mum cried..tears coming out from my grandma's eyes, too.. I can do nothing. only a hug.

Stayed at home for a few days, this time, something has changed. I feel quite disappointed to know tat. Of course, still home sweet home, mayb all we need is to hv a deep tok? Things never change are... mum still cook my favourite dishes everyday, i feel a step closer wif him, and my great brother still likes to joke...

Time passes.. and i'm back in sg... Am i expecting too much? Or he changes again? I tot we would really spend wat he so called "precious time" together.. I dunno if i expect too much, or.. the cruise trip is the only "precious time" that he would willing to spend wif me. Nothing except cruise that can make me feel to be sincere, No plan at all from him... everything abt me for him is "in the future"... I'm always asked and i know i shd treasure the time we have.. but to leave or not to leave me, doesn't seem to make a big difference for him... I would ask, how much impt i'm in his heart?

2006-04-20T00:05:00.000+08:00

Yup.. I kinda lazy to update the blog..

The exam period is over. Dun think i do well for both modules, but anyway, really looking forward for next sem which i won't need to take any module.

Can't really think of wat i had been doing for past few weeks, except being a happy grandma.

The only thing that i could remember is, we celebrated LS's bday. Went for dinner at marina square few days before her bday. Was thinking to giv her surprise by bringing a cake, and her pressie.. and suddenly pop up in front of her.. .. but .. but .. but... i failed to do so.. YB said, i'm not the person who can really giv ppl surprise.. but .. i tot i can?!

Sihai will be flying to France for conference in Mid of June.. staying there for abt 2 weeks.. And he will b flying to US for his research training for half a year to 9 months. For sure i m unwilling to see him leaving.. the only thing i can do, probably is asking myself to b strong enough, and trust our relationship... He always tell me that we can make it... and i do wan to make it thru...

So yah, sth happy.. before he leaving sg, we will b going to a short trip.. going to starcruise for 2 nights.. the destination will b pulau redang... haha.. really can't wait for it.. =D

The more i know, the more i hate this person

2006-03-21T22:25:00.000+08:00

I juz feel so sad and so disappointed to this person... I told myself to forgive this person, but again and again, this person juz never be considerate at all..

Mayb to this person, we are juz nothing... But i wanna say, in past, this person was my all, and with all the disappointments... I'm nothing to this person, this person is equally nothing to me...

I really wish ppl who get affected could take good care to themselves, dun let this person get too much on you... If this person do not appreciate what we hv done, and this person is deserved to be treated in this way...

For the ppl who get affected, i wanna tell you that you are still my love, and your position in my heart is always the top, the top that nobody can displace you...

This person, i hate you!

~HaPpY GRANDMOTHER~

2006-03-11T14:12:00.000+08:00

ehhhh.. today is 2nd day after lovely meimei delivered the babies.. When mummy went to drink water, i carefully took a picture of the 5 little babies...

I marked their attendance this morning, 5 babies.. still the same as yesterday.. so nothing bad happened last night ya!!!

Am really excited for the newbies!.. Called to LS, XJ, YB to share my happiness!..i'm now upgraded to a grandmum!!...

hardly see the babies, as mummy uses her body to cover them.. she is so protective to her babies...

Anyway, last night, i dunno wat's wrong wif meimei, think she wanna play the wheel, but worried if the babies will be left alone, so she carried one of them, put on wheel, and she juz RAN!... so the baby was thrown out from the wheel, this repeated and repeated... in order not to harm the babies.. sihai and i tried carefully to remove the wheel... and i realized...

so much blood stains on the wheel.. and i knew she delivered the baby on the wheel... but so much blood stains.. after removing the wheel, i saw some blood stains again on the shavings.. oh dear...i really really xin tong.. meimei must have her tough time to deliver the babies...

mummy is always so wei da!!

This is mummy, before she pregnant...

and after she pregnant... her stomachhhh...sooo bigggg!

This is daddy... He is so much smaller than the mummy...

see the differences? haaa... i'm wondering the size of babies will similar as mummy or daddy??

Mother --> grandmother

2006-03-11T00:00:00.000+08:00

So yah.. another entry which i shd update so much earlier... Busy for lab, studies, presentationsss, assignment...

Remember that my last update was before the V-day. So yah, in fact, both of us aren't care much about V-day.. But this time, the V-day seem to be busy for me!... I' can't remember how XJ and I came to a line that we would like to make tiramisu for our darlings.. So.. ya.. we tried, and tat's our 1st time..We prayed hardly that we dun screw up, and we won't meet each other at NUH...

I remember it was Monday, and after a stupid practical, we went to IMM to look for all the ingredients.. i juz remember got coffee...and i remembered we bought a quite nice container which cost only $1.. =D.. There is this cheese which is specifically for tiramisu.. and it is quite expensive. We tot one bottle shd b enough for us.. and we happily went to XJ's house..and i saw the hammy that i gav her.. Omph.. miss him a lot.. and i knew i nv select a wrong person to give, the hammy is living happily there...

Everything went smoothly... (afterall, tiramisu is the easiest to make i guess)....

Half way through the process, we found that we ran out the cheeseee.. arrr.. and we ran to NTU- , but we can't see the cheese.. so. . with stupid idea (dunno from me or XJ) , we bought the cheese tat's for cheesecake.. haha.. Ohya, i remember that my idea.. i bought M&M.. so when the tiramisu is done, we used M&M to make a love shaped on top.. how sweet and how smart i m~~~~

Her bf felt it was ok, but my bf felt it taste badly.. haha.. nvm..Besides my stupid lousy tiramisu, i bought also 2 super cute card, and the girlish card, i put on my door, but boyish one, i put on her door...Feel very happy wif watever i did..as in not only receiving is happy, but also giving could also be very happy.. and of course, he bought a bag for me, a rose (wasting money) and also we had a dinner together tat night...

Tat's enough~..

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After V-day, a seminar presentation and also a test following, That were really really bad!... My presentation was okay.. Prof Sim did giv me a lot of comments, and for me, i would think his opinions r quite good and i shd take into considerations, and overall.. i dun hate this presentation.. train my presentation skill, and get a lot of advices, opinions from others... But i hate the CA.. i dun think i did well for that.. Anyhow, dun care! Up next, will be another presentation, den assignment, den another presentation, and last BUT NOT LEAST.. my final exams...

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my life in lab, have minor and major changes...minor changes means i heck care abt it... major changes is.. one of my really really really close fren has left the lab.. and this make me feel really really down when i knew the news... another fren might be leaving soon.. and bcoz of this, i felt lab wasn't as happy as b4 for me.. from 4 of us.. and gradually to 3 of us.. and might left only 2 of us... I somehow treasure a lot the frenshipness btw 4 of us.. When i'm drained, when i m not in a good mood, they will come and try to understand.. i hv no stress wif them.. and being fren wif them, it simply easy and happy! Though for now, lab is still happy for me, i still hav a lot of fun there.. but somehow.. i always always think back the time when 4 of us get together.. either joking, tease wif each other...I appreciate a lot the help from them.. even the one who totally unrelated to my proj, i would say she/they still helped me a lot, in terms of "support"... It means so much to me!

We had our huo guo session again.. A lot of jokes again, initially, we had 2 person eating ma la and rest eating qing tan.. and now, we left only 1 person eating mala. somebody ran away.. coz of stomachache, and even... hormonal distruption.. i feel pity to her, but i feel funny also...

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I tot my hammy pregnant after the mating.. so i prepared everything for newbies arrive.. but i was disappointed.. and she still accepted the male.. and this time i dun giv any hope for that..

Since last few days, i felt sth wrong with meimei, she hates the male so much, she is grouchy sometimes, and she became fatter and fatter... Until today morning, i confirmed she pregnant, coz her stomach is tooooo big..

This afternoon, i heard she squealing.. I dunno what happen to her, she can't sleep.. i tot she was frightened by the male at another cage.. so i moved the cage to another place.. though she didn't cry after this, but still look grouchy...

When i was back from lesson.. I saw baby hamster!!!!!!!!!! There were 5 babies!!.. Hey.. she gav birth!!!!!..

and i'm now a grandmother!!!!

CNY & V-day ~ 2006

2006-02-11T00:56:00.000+08:00

Have not been updating for quite some times, and i m busy, but i dunno what i am busy..

So yah.. Enjoyed a lot when i was at KL for CNY... Reunion dinner is the moment i like most... Not to mention the nice dishes prepared by mum.. but the grace of god that we, the whole family, could sit down again, to welcome another year, with our good health and enriched soul... Thanks god for giving us all these...

Sister brought our whole family to visit the KLCC aquarium.. It is quite nice, comparable to sentosa underwater world.. We went for window shopping too.. and definitely, we watched 霍元甲!

Same as previous, i tok a lot wif mum.. tell her all the happiness and unhappiness in Sg.. esp in lab... I still remember when i was young, whenever bad things happened, i'm always the wrong... and it made me feel that my mum will never support me even though i need so much of support from her.. but till a day, a day that she thought i'm "big gal" enough to think wisely.. She supports me no matter wat... Same like whenever i tok wif her, same like now, same like every second of now.. she is supporting me! She asked me be brave, nothing, no one can strike me down.. as she will always be there to protect and support me...

Able to meet Lynn, Mingwei and Kok Wei the night before i left for Sg... went to meet them wif my boy boy.. They let me know what a true fren is...

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CNY was insteed happy! however, sth bad juz really wan to happen... My boy boy was robbed on day 1 of CNY... He was robbed in the midnight.. and the time when i was zzz-ing... as receive his sms that he would stay wif his coach till late night... I received his call next day, in the early morning.. He sounded weak.. and i can't b bother how much of cash he was robbed.. but i juz very nervous if he is injured..

He sick, he caught a cold, as he walked home after the incident, as no one wan to stop for him... It's so cold in the midnight, and i juz hate myself that why i wasn't there for him...

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So first thing i did when i reached my house in Sg is.. MY HAMMIES!... They were so actively jumping ard to welcome me home.. and my bf's sis husband told me that hamster dun really fight badly.. so juz let them try to stay wif each other.. Honestly, i still dun really believe, em.. shd say that i juz dun wan to try to let them stay together, wat if they fight? i shd juz avoid all unnecessary injury to happen!..

But, i'm still the naughty one, Last sat, i put both hammies in a cage.. surprisingly, mei mei (she is originally ruirui, but she nv gimme response when i call her ruirui, but she responded when i called her as meimei, so i juz change her name!), who tends to be so aggressive, she is lying at a corner, no squeaking, juz lie down, wif the head facing the wall.. and didi is too excited.. he jumped onto meimei.. i doubt what he gotta do...
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They are MATING!!!!

In fact.. i'm happy to see that.. haha.. This means that i might hv a newbies for the next 2 week of times.. Am really excited for this.. everyday, once i woke up, b4 gg to lab, i'll take out meimei and try to observe if she is pregnant.. I curdle her wif more cares.. and i sek sek didi too.. heeee..

I know it's troublesome if meimei really pregnant.. but i juz would like to see newbies..if possible..

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Was informed that my gu-gu is in Sg.. So i went to meet her on Tues night, at PASIR RIS.. Before i went there, i bought a magazine to read, so that i wouldn't b bored in train.. However, i got no chance to read it.. as i only b able to find a seat when i m at TAMPINES.. tat's great! I'm truely touched by my gugu and her family... I was late for the dinner.. but they nv blame me.. As usual, we prayed before we had our dinner. My 姑丈 lead us. Surprisingly, he prayed a lot a lot a lot of me.. for my studies, and thank god for giving me such a great chance after undergoing so much obstacles, so much problems, and so much worries.. They also prayed for my health, for my family.. for anything abt me! I never know that they are proud for me... (though i didnt do much achivement).. To be wif them, i have kinda feeling of being cared!...

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Been in lab, trying out the molecular part for LS's proj.. Luck isn't wif me.. Many obstacles screwed me up.. Luckily, i have XJ and YB there to giv me opinions... Somehow, i get touched by them...Plus LS, again, wat true fren is.. They showed me that they wouldn't run away when things happen on me.. they told me that they will giv me their hands whenever i need them.. They cheer me up whenever i'm unhappy, they lend me their mouth to scold ppl who i dun like.. haha..They understand and know my attitude, they wouldn't interrupt me whenever i'm busy, they will ji-xiao me whenever i'm free... and bcoz of this, i'll never be FREE in lab.. haha... and I'm juz very very happy to be with them, They are understanding, be wif them, i hv no stress, no worries!...

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V-day is coming.. Like wat i hv told XJ, somehow, boy boy and i dun really care for this... We cares more for our anniversary, our birthday and our HAMMY' BDAY!...juz simply because v-day is a day for BUSSINESSMAN, really.. not for couple!.. everything is juz so exp on that day.. So.. i know that he nv plan for anything to celebrate the v-day.. I really never blame him.. He has test, presentation, and expt to run.. I shd b a understanding gf... As long as we could hv a dinner together on that day, tat's really enough!.. :)

Off to KL!!!

2006-01-27T14:13:00.000+08:00

Yeap.. Am really excited.. going home for CNY... This is a holiday that i hv been waiting for soooo long!!!...

Though i dun really go to fren or relatives' house to 拜年... but still excited as i m going to see my beloved family very very soon!... I miss them so so sooo much... Home.. is a place w/o unhappiness, jealous, envy, trouble, but a place for happiness, faith, and love...

Anyway, i m going to mid valley tmr, there's a 3-stoery petshop!.. I wanna buy some hamster treats, and perhaps running ball .. and some toy for them... As their new year present!.. afterall, i can't get any new year cloth for them ya.. haha..

I'll miss my hammies when i'm at KL.. I m worried if nobody takes care of them, i m worried if the food is not enough for them, i'm worried if they r hungry, they feel cold if raining at night...

TRUST

2006-01-16T00:30:00.000+08:00

Somehow, building up a confidence to a person is juz too tough...

He knows that i couldn't trust him. He uses his office tel, but not his hp, to show me that he is in office, he dun mind i read his sms, his phonebook.. He bear wif all the bad attitude from me... and he never shout me back! He did so much, juz to lemme know that he wouldn't run away again... But i'm juz too bad...

I still couldn't promise him that i would trust him...

Until last Fri, when i jokingly said sth, he shouted me back... The 1st time he shouted at me before i angry him... for the past 5 years... and i was hurt..

But doesn't he hurt too? I believe he hurt much more than me.. as his love juz dun trust wat he said...

He begged my forgiveness the next day... I'm no longer a childish gf, so i wouldn't be stubborn, i didn't grouch...

But den, is he the person who need to say sorry?

Dear, I'm really really sorry, trying so hard to trust u, not to tease u, not to complain that u can't be wif me, but i still couldn't make it.. I dun trust u, i doubt where u r when u r busy wif ur work in ur company, I complain when you are too busy for rushing some results and abstract for ur conference... I complain that you are selfish, but am i selfish too?

You told me you believe we can make it, you told me you trust me, you told me i'm your part of life... I'm touched, but why am i hurt u again and again? sometimes, i juz too hate myself...

U listen to my story about stroke model, lab thingy, cell culture.. u tried hard to know every single experiments that i would carry, but i dun even know what is simulation...

Anyway, juz wanna say.. Do gimme some times, though i hv promised you many many times, but juz bear wif me, do gimme a bit more times, i believe that i will overcome the prob...

You told me we can make it, and i wan myself to trust it!

2006-01-08T15:18:00.000+08:00

Rainy Day

Nua-ing at home, dun feel like doing anything... juz bcoz the rainy and cozy afternoon...

Spend most of the time in lab for the past whole week. But doesn't seem to hv done many experiment. But what make me happy is i think i m able to identify where the MCA is.. I did it on the 1st day i was in lab in 2006. So i said, 2006 will be my lucky year, at least i pray hard to be...

Went for lunch at guild house on Fri, with lab mates, Dr. Zhu treat. I think tat's for chinese new year. Still remember we had our gathering too last year before CNY at his house. Really enjoy the gathering. Had talk wif Dr.Zhu.I still remembered last year, he mentioned to me about a chinese herbs conference in Geneva. He hopes i could join. During the lunch, he mentioned to me again abt this conference. I was quite excited, and i arrow LS, hint zyz to bring us go together...haha...

So, received his email about the information of the conference. I would say i'm really really interested to go, for the place this conference will be holding, and the most importantly, for the content of this conference... Read thru the programme of the conference, and most of the topics will be focused on chinese herbs, i believe i would benefit a lot for my research if i attend for conference.. so Yah.. i wanna go!!!

Other than the story of lab, i'm showing here, my new love, my HAMMY -- ruirui!!!

When i juz bought her, she is this small! I bought her on 19th Dec 2005, and tat time, she is 4 week old...

I took this picture on 31st Dec 2005, She fat like a ball!! When i took the pic, she is about 2 month old..and see, she is growing fast ... I took this pic when she is eating BEAN SPROUT!.. Surprised right? She likes bean sprout a lot!!! but i'm not giving her a lot lately, coz her pee is so smelly after eating bean sprout...

She is playing wheel!!!...

she is damn cute!!!

I have another adorable and smaller hammy compared to ruirui.. i can't take much photo for him, coz he is super active, always like to jump here and there w/o realizing how high from my hand to the floor is when he jump.. so.. to avoid him to get injured, i seldom take him out and cuddle him...

2006-01-02T11:33:00.000+08:00

New Year ~ 2006

So yah! Another long holiday after Christmas.

Was in holiday mood on Fri... Do nothing in lab tat day. And tat was the day the i gotta send one of my hammy to xj... Though the 2 baby hamsters are same sex, but they start fighting... So, i m really forced to giv one out. Tat day, We joked that shd giv this hammy a name either jiejie (as last name of xj is jie, or xiao long bao, as the hammy looks like it)... xj was really excited when she saw the hamster. No, i shd say, before she saw the hamster, she was oredi really excited. Went to her bf's home to get a cage, and go buy food, wood shavings, etc to prepare a new home for her new love. Though really unwilling to giv my hamster out.. But seeing the hamster's new owner is so so so loving it.. i shd feel xin1 an1 liao...

When got back home from lab, i immediately tried to observe the mood of the baby hamster.. Apparently, he doesn't feel anything wrong even though his partner is missing... So, i won't need to worry if he would feel lonely... At night, i went supper at fong seng wif irene... we talked a lot.. it has been quite some times that we didn'dt sit down and tok.. we laughed together for the thing that is happy.. we cried together for the prob that either one of us facing...

Ohya.. she gav me one really nice cage.. for the baby hamster.. as he is still staying in small fish tank... Thank you IRENE!!.. YOU ARE THE BEST!!!...erm... I admitted that i was quite unfair.. I transfer the baby hamster tat orginally in the fish tank into the small cage tat i bought last week, and the ruirui (my very 1st pet) into the nice cage... wahaha...

Didn't really go out on New year eve as i wanted to watch the new year celebration organized by tvbs. Housemates went back to their hometown. Only me and sihai was at home. However, it wasn't bored at all. After waking up, we went to downstair to have nasi lemak. He always like to say that mine looks more tasty than his... It was a sunless new year eve... and i guessed there will be a heavy raining soon...

Yup!... It started raining heavily..

We hide in my room, We watched movie, we talked, abt lab, frens, family, anything... He read newspapers. I'm too lazy to read.. so he read for me.. haha.. Tvbs celebration started at 630pm. But we haven't bought dinner. Nothing at home tat i can cook for dinner.. I suggested to call for delivery, but we hv no idea where we can call.. except fastfood.. So he went out to buy dinner for us. He didn't wan me to follow as he afraid i'll miss any part of the celebration show... Tat was a simple new year eve for me.. But i'm happy~

Today, first day of 2006, we decided to go orchard and walk ard... However, once we reached orchard... it started raining heavily!!!.. and today, we only know that we can actually "borrow" an umbrella from hang ten, by paying $6 as deposit. You can returned it anytime at any outlet... and the deposit and fully refundable!... We were arguing to select white umbrella or pink umbrella.. I wan pink, but he wan white... He said if pink, den i carry it myself.. so, for my own benefit, i shd juz select white one... The rain is getting heavier and heavier.. we can't really walk from one place to another place even though we had the umbrella. No choice.. we took train back to city hall.. i was rather quite excited that go suntec city, as i can visit the petshop!!!.. Since i have 2 small cute hammies, i always always like to visit petshop, and buy lotsa stuff for my hammies..

We missed the delicious thai food tat we tried when we were at bangkok.. and we decided to choose thaiexpress for our dinner.. and... the food...

Tat's end of our day of shopping. When got back home, saw my hammies were running happily in their cage.. i felt really happy~

2005-12-25T14:16:00.000+08:00

Animal Handling Course

Back from Bangkok, i rest at home for few days...Den thursday till friday (07/11~09/11), it was animal handling course. Though i hv handled animals before, but i still feel a bit worried for the practical sessions.

This course is to train who will be handle animals for experiments, the proper way of handling animals. For me, it is quite beneficial, and got to know a lot of knowledge about the behaviour of animals, and how to actually really take care of the animals. Luckily, LIshan and yingxuan are in the same practical session as mine, plus some ppl in AHU that i know... the practical session wasn't as tough as what i expected, i could juz handle them easily wif the help from all of them.. :)

Home SWEET Home

Because sihai and i was late in collecting the stu pass, the medical report was exceed 3 months, so we were forced to re-do avthing. Monday morning, we went YIH to re-do our x-ray... and i'm abt my way back to my hometown... Tat was much more exciting than going for a trip, to see your family that u r really close to, the one who never leave u alone no matter wat happen...

Sihai accompanied me to JB Larkin, so tat i could take bus home. Reaching KL ard 8pm plus, and as usual, sister fetched me home. I bought a casio watch for my bro, This is my 1st time that i could use the money that i "earned" by myself, buy sth for my bro...However, my sis told me the model that i chose wasn't his type.. so.. a bit disappointed. But i know my bro still happy as he took out the watch and yan2 jiu1 how to use, how to set the functions etc.. and he wears it for working. Seeing him yan2 jiu1 the watch and wearing it, i found that the happiest thing for me, is actually to let the person who i love happy and xin4 fu2..

Didn't really go to many places at KL, juz stayed at home, watching taiwan and hongkong series, always tok wif my mum, telling her everything abt my life in sg, for studies, love, frenship, lab... everything... Till friday, sihai also back from sg, to see his family too.. and to go back to sg together wif me on sunday.

My bro was planning to watch KING KONG on sat.. wif whole family, possibly wif sihai too.. However, X'mas coming, and my eldest sister was very busy to prepare her activities in church.. so hardly to get together wif whole family.. i know my bro was a bit disappointed and he juz cancelled the plan.. Somehow, i get touched by my bro.. He could actually go for the movie wif his fren, or juz wif anyone of us.. but He insisted to wait for whole family, and he felt only wif whole family, he could enjoy the show...To me, my bro is greatest, His love to my family is so so so deep... Though we were not be able to go for the movie, i brought them to bambubali for dinner... I paid for them.. and this is also my 1st time.. and i believe there will be more and more chances for me to pay back to my family..

My hamstersss

back in sg on early in the monday morning.. Feel really down when reaching sg, not that i dun like sg.. juz mayb home is always the sweetest place for everyone ba... Till evening, i was quite hungry oredi.. i can't wait anymore.. so i went down to buy dinner myself... pass through the shop where selling hamsters juz downstair of my house, and saw a hamster that i really like it.. and immediately decided to hv it... not cheap for me.. cost me $28!. it's a winter white pearl... plus her house, food, bathing sand.. etc.. i spent abt $50!... but i hv no regret at all.. w/o buying food for myself, i rush back to home, and set up the house for it.. it was rather a lousy house.. and i promise her i will gradually upgrade her living condition!...

Next day when i was in lab, ppl told me i kena cheated, as they could find for me a much more cheaper hamsters through the website... so i logged on the pets.com webpage, i really found ppl selling winter white pearl at only $6 like tat.. so i decided to buy 1 more hamster, so that my hamster could hv companion!... I contact this person who selling winter white pearl, obviously she dun really like if i buy only 1, better in 1 pair... so bo bian, juz buy 1 pair ba~...

Met her at woodland yesterday, sihai accompanied me, and when i saw that hamsters, i know it's so so so small as compared to the one i hv in my house... bo bian, since i promised to buy oredi, i shall juz buy, and this person told me, as long as same strain they won't fight wif each other, but they will sek sek each other.. Along the way back to home, i was really excited and my heart keep telling the hamster at home that mummy is bringing companions for u!!...

Put the 2 small hamsters into the cage. and i tried to observed what my hamster will do..
.
.
.
.
.
oh gosh.. it jumps onto the 2 small hamsters, and start FIGHTING!!.. she dun like the companion that i found for her!!!! No choice, i gotta separate them into different cage... i juz feel quite xien though.. but i didn't angry wif my hamster.. i still loving her, and loving the 2 small hamsters.. i juz hope the 2 small hamsters is not in different sex, so that they won't make love ya... i dun wan they mate, i dun wan to hv many more babies.. no need! if they r different sex, pls juz dun make love before i found another sweet home for any one of u!..

~Christmas 2005~

So after settled the hamsters, make sure everyone of them are safe, sihai and i went out to celebrate x'mas. Catherine was in Sg, came here to celebrate x'mas. We have been not meeting wif each other for abt 2 years oredi.. so.. sihai and i went down to orchard to meet her. Though in the afternoon, orchard road is started to b very crowded oredi... we didn't shop much, as we dun wan to be sardine wif strangers. so we sat down at mccafe, and we chit chat... I juz know that many of my secondary school classmates are now working wif amway.. erm.. mayb i'm not a right person who doing direct sales, so for me, it wasn't a way to earn money... We left orchard in the evening. So i can't really see how beautiful the orchard could be for this year.. I guess it is pretty the same as previous years?

Catherine went to meet up her frens at kallang, and sihai and i went to suntec city as i heard from lishan that there is a pet village!... We found that, and the boss are very patient in telling us everything abt hamsters. he knows we were looking for a house for hamster, so he showed us many different kinds of houses, big, small, 2 storey, 1 storey, multiple comparments.. wao.. sihai found a 2 storey pink house, which only going for $29.. so decided to choose this.. This pink house is den for my hamster's x'mas present!, which hamster i let it stay, of course my very first hamster!.. :) Sihai said i'm unfair.. erm.. i think i'm...

Shopped a while in carrefour.. and we were abt to go to marina square for movie -- th e promise. The showed end exactly at 12midnight.. and we happily great each other merry x'mas.. he was asking if i would like to go to river side, i think not to go, as he is helping me to carry the house.. it is rather inconvenient and heavy.. so let's go home and fix the house together ba...

He helped me to set up the house, and i transfer the hamsters, and its food and everything.. we exchanged our present (for ourselves, not to hamster!)... A music box for me, and a casio watch for him!.. hee..

Didn't get huddled in the crowd in orchard this year, and the x'mas for this year wasn't romantic for both of us too.. only meeting fren, and shopping at carrefour, select hamster's house... but it is sweet to me.. romantic x'mas is unnecessary to me, as i said previously, as long as we hold tightly together, i'll feel happy.. and i feel tat's really enough and happy for the simplest thing, that discuss which house to buy for hamsters, to see the which pillow is better as sihai needs to changed a new pillow.. and to look ard in carrefour that which hair shampoo is better, what toy shd buy for his newphew..

Simple is happy...

Paper Publication

For the molecular part, I edited one manuscript for dr.zhu at the beginning of the semester, it was rejected once, and dr.zhu asked me to edit again.. and send to another publisher, but it get rejected again, on the day of my adv cell paper...dr.zhu wished me to edit again, so he could send to another publisher and try as he believes the quality of manuscript is good!.. however, for me, i felt a bit xien.. i think i easily get striked down, and i tot the manuscript was rejected 2 times, meaning it wasn't good den? why must try so many times?

My results for adv cell is out on 21st...A bit nervous before viewing the result online, worried if i fail, den i gotta retake it, worried if i pass it, but not a B, meaning i couldn't sit for PHD qualifying exam...

Woohoooo... surprisingly, i got an A!!!.. an A!!!!

At the same times, i was informed by yb that dr.zhu sent me an email, quite urgent.. i tot sth bad was happened again.. but no!.. it's a revision of the my manuscript from neuroscience letters. Dr.zhu would like me to edit again according to the comments of the reviewers, and i found that the comments of reviewers are pretty good.. juz that i gotta reduce the length of the content again. So after i edited, i resent it to dr.zhu. and i told him, if this really get accepted, and it could be really my best x'mas present.. he replied, 90% of chance that my x'mas present will b there for me!.. I tot he was too optimistic?

On 23rd, He asked yb to forward me an email, that he was sending my x'mas present!!!!.. My manuscript was accepted oredi!.. wao!! accepted oredi!! Though thte impact factor for the publisher wasn't high enough, but i'm satisfied, and i'm the first author.. wahahah...I'm too happy.. sihai is very happy for me too!.. yuhoooo~

Shd really thank dr.zhu... before that i was a bit unhappy that he kept asking me to edit the manuscript, and almost wanted to giv up oredi.. but i never think for his side, how many times i edited means how many times he edited too.. he is the one who always help me to finalize and contact the publisher.. He never shouted that it's troublesome, shd i feel trouble? No...

Anyway.. tat's really my best x'mas present? Would i hv another New year present? I'm waiting for the news that if my review paper is accepted!.. I hope it is!! Pray hard!

2005-12-25T02:28:00.000+08:00

Bangkok Trip

Was really fun at there!...

Finally, Allen and i had our 1st trip to bangkok on 30/11/05~03/11/05... We took the evening flight to bangkok. If i still remember, the flight departed at 740pm, and we somehow reached changi airport before 4pm. So.. we juz slowly checked in our luggage, den went to hv our "lunch" at burger king. Remembered there r shops in departure hall, so we went in so much earlier after we ate our lunch. Shopped ard.. and crazily took down the pic of flight tat i was going to take..

Reaching Bangkok late in night. Stucked at airport for quite some times, to collect luggage etc... and luckily, there is tour guide waiting for us in airport.. so we wouldn't need to worry how to travel down to our hotel.

This tour guide asked sihai if we were interested to watch ah gua show and thai gal show. for me, of course for ah gua show.. but i juz couldn't understand why sihai would like to watch thai gal show too. Somemore, it isn't cheap, cost us abt 30 sing dollar. So i was unhappy.. Trying to understand why sihai wanted to watch.. and end up, i realized... Thai gal show isn't TIGER show...

Before sihai explaning to me, i tot Tour guide were asking us to watch ah gua show and "TIGER" show.. tat's y i was unhappy and unwilling to spend 30 bucks for stupid tiger show la~...

Okie~.. it's THAI GAL show...

Reaching hotel pretty late oredi, so we got settled down quickly and den sleep.. Though the hotel is 3 star hotel, but our room look "ok" only.. a bit disappointed...Though, it still couldn't obliterate my excitement for my trip. as we gotta wake up early in the next day to join half day city tour offered by the package.

Late in night, i was disturbed by sihai, he was shouting as he was biten by sth.. and we cought an insect on his bed... This was really bad.. Sihai was biten and many places on his body got swollen. We went down to the counter and complain.. as we need them to really clean the room for us.. However, we got this extra offer tat we were upgraded to a really clean deluxe room.. haha..

Next day in the morning, we woke up at 6am!... and had our breakfast in hotel restaurant.. We met tour guide at 7am.. and we were brought to river side and we gotta take a small boat out view this bangkok city.. it was exciting!

Dun ask me what the name of the buiding and bridge..I DUNNO.. i juz simply take down the picture where i feel the view r pretty nice... Along the river, we saw quite a lot of temples.. all of these temples are amazing, the structure of building are so spectacular.. we went in to a canal...and TEMPLES again, but den we were allowed to buy some breads and feed the fish in the water to sort of ji1 fu2.. The fish are really big and fat.. due to my technique, i'm sorry that i can't take a nice pic to show howw big and fat the fish inside the river can be! We selected a temples and again, dun ask me what temples it is, i dunno its name, and i dunno anything abt it, i juz know that this temple is amazing, the structure of the building is so spectacular..

Except this, the half day city tour included also visiting the leather shop and jewelry shop.. Oops.. that were out of my interest... and i looking forward for the afternoon even --> SHOPPING!!!

The travel agent is very good... after the half day tour, they fetched us to the location where we wanna drop by. The first destination for my crazy shopping was MBK. For me, the price there was ok.. abt the same as in sg and m'sia... so, nothing much we can buy there.. Next, we walked down to Siam.. Siam was a area where abt the same as orchard road.. so, as expected, things aren't cheap.. But it's really enjoyed to look ard, and shop shop shop!...

Along the road, i saw many many young gals wearing white cloth and black skirts. All of them looked sexy.. so i asked what are they working as? ppl told me, they are student.. !! wah lao.. how can stu wear like tat? and they are all having make up!!...

Ard 5pm, we were quite tired, and decided to back to hotel and take a short rest, and we gotta meet tour guide at 630, to go for ah gua show and thai gal show... Was suggested by yb that we can actually try to take a small car called tuk tuk if we were travelling short distance.. considering our hotel is quite near to siam, we decided to take tuk tuk.. and i swear, it's my 1st time, and also my last time to take it.. It isn't cheap, and the worst part is.. it's very very dangerous.. and i juz couldn't sit inside this tuk tuk with no window, open air tat kind, since the air pollution there was quite bad ya...

Plastic surgery in thailand is really amazing!.. I was so surprised and shocked when i saw those ah gua... they are so much beautiful than anyone of us!

For thai gal show, i really dunno how to describe, no photo is allowed there.. and i juz dunno how they could use their vagina to play wif so many different stunts...

Both showed ended ard 10plus. We den went to Suan Lum night market, it opened till 1am.. and the market is pretty big... separated by different sections, for clothes, souveniers, furniture etc... We had our dinner there. Food looked nice, but it actually "ok" only...

Market is where we can buy a lot of stuff, as the price is still negotiable, we can juz bargain.. and the price is relatively low as compared to the one in sg or m'sia. Bought quite a lot of stuff in this market, watch, beg, clothes...

Back in hotel ard 2am.. and we r exhausted, slept immediately after having bath...

Wake up in the next day at 10plus, and obviously, we overslept.. we missed the breakfast offered by hotel, and we wasted our time for more window shoppings!... Our first destination today is central world. Had our lunch there. Nothing much can buy there.. since it's a shopping complex, the price is alike to here. Walk down from central world, it's isetan and other shopping malls... To me, this is again another place that is so much similar to orchard road.

Though nothing much can buy, it's still a nice place for window shoppings, and time juz flied, it was abt 3pm... I was planning to go Khao San Road where i heard it's a place to look for stuff of body modification.. Though i heard from the tour guide that Khao San Road is more like a place to ang mo, i mean for the price there...But i still would like to pay a visit there. Trying to stop a cab that can fetch us to there. But, we stopped few cabs, no one would like to fetch us there, coz traffic jamp was bad there... I was forced to giv up my plan to there.

From the map, we realized another market juz right at the front of the road. I can't remember what is that market..

and when we walked in the market, we realized that this market is more for whole sale. So i shd say that the price here is the cheapest among so many markets that i went... provided u buy really enough numbers of the same thing. We bought almost 10 shirts in one shop, wif the price abt 100bahts(RM10)... and the jeans there is nice too!.. price cheap, one jeans for only RM16 likee tat.. but we hafta buy at least 12 jeans...so, we juz can't make the decision for buying it... Oh.. the most amazing part is.. i bought 3 skirts, wif total only RM15!!...

Walk for whole day, and decided to take a rest at a coffee shop. When we were waiting our snack and drinks to come, i crazily took out the camera and force sihai to take a pic wif me, initially he dun cooperate wif me, act cool...

but i dun like, smile leh.. smileeee.. SMILEEEEEEEEEEE...

haha..!...

We had our photo together too...

Went back to hotel and put down our zan4 shen4 ping3... we went to patpong night market for another round of market tour... had dinner at one restaurant nearby the market.. and this is the last night we stayed in bangkok, and only our 1st meal of thai food since both of us quite really not able to tahan spicy... but amazingly, the thai food was really really really niceee!!

our best zan4 shen4 ping3 in patpong night market is 2 pairs of fake P$M$ shoes, the original price was 2100bahts, and sihai was successfully to cut the price all the way down to only 450bahts! power right!! one pair for me and another pair for him.. =) We den back to Suan Lum night market as the watch the sihai bought there was spoilt.. so gotta change another new one.

Last day in bangkok, felt a bit down.. couldn't believe that my trip is ending soon. early in the morning, and this time we didn't miss our breakfast! After the breakfast, we took a cab to chatuchak market. It is the largest and famous market. Many many things can be found there.. whatever u wan, u definitely can find it here... the most attractive part to me is the pet section there!

cute right?!

Back in hotel ard 12noon as we gotta meet tour guide at ard 130pm. They will fetch us to airport.

In the plane that back to sg, we asked angmo that sitting beside us to help to take a photo... to make a beautiful ending for our trip.

I believe both of us enjoyed the trip a lot! and when we were on our way back to house from airport, we were toking abt our next trip, even back to bangkok again, i dun really mind.. juz that as long as we can hold tightly together.. it's always the happiest!

2005-11-26T02:05:00.000+08:00

Finally, I finished my exam.. Anyway, this is quite a slacking exam period to me. I hv only 2 papers, advanced cell biology and stat, S/U option to stat which is a 2Mcs module… Slack, as in compared to my dear, which has 4 modules, and the 3 papers in consecutively, rest 1 day, den another one last paper.. compared to him, I seem to be sooo free, and soooo un-stressed…

But in fact, I was stressed!... and KY said I was having PES (pre-exam syndrome).. I sick, I had insomnia… before the advanced cell paper… I hate advanced cell, no no.. I shd say, I hate cell cycle… there are so many things happen during one cell cycle.. that I feel so unbelievable that a single small cell, could hv so many complicated processes happen when they are growing, proliferate and differentiate… but.. this is also the interesting part that why I m still in the field of life sciences…I hate it, yet I love you so much…

I found that the paper for post-graduate stu is so much different from the paper for under-graduate. For undergraduate, the questions are more likely to be “straightforward”.. as long as u study hard, u definitely can do well.. but for postgraduate, it isn’t !! it’s “thinking” question.. but I can’t think anything when I look at the questions… so.. I’m a bit worried wif the results that I can score for both modules.. pray hard!

Though I hv finished my papers, I’m now still in study room, but not studying.. being here to accompany my dear, he is now having his 3rd paper, I wish him the best. I think ppl in study room quite hate me ya, I’m here doing nothing, listening to mp3, reading magazines, writing blog, spend a little time to amend paper what dr.zhu asked me to.. and surfing net… it’s fun!!!.. I’m thinking to watch a HK series here, as I hv copied 2 episodes in my thumb drive, but I dun dare to watch it here.. I afraid I’ll b kicked out!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Back to my PES, yes.. I think I really had it.. Sometimes, I really hate myself to be so emotional when I m having exam. I always out of control to angry for nothing. and it suffers a lot the person who stay wif me. At tat time, bcoz of PES (at least I hope), I found that we r growing apart from each other. And I told him what I feel… He said, this is because we are in “another stage”, we r now at a new starting point, just like when we juz came to NUS, a lot of arguments happened.. juz because both of us need time to suit wif a new life… Actually, I can feel that he now taking this companionship part of his life.. I feel I’m blessed to have him to beside wif me… But it takes time for me to giv confidence to this companionship.. but dear, I believe you.. juz tat I myself need time.. and I juz too unsecure that I afraid avthing will disappear from me suddenly..

But I know it wont…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Can’t wait for my short trip wif him. We in fact went to Bangkok before, but n years ago.. when we were still a small child… so.. we should consider this coming Bangkok trip as our 1st overseas trip, and our 1st time to Bangkok… so.. I’m a bit worried that we will get lost at there, and am thinking to find a Bangkok map, and search online to know any tourist attraction, shopping mall, and pasar malam that we can go… YB and Lishan seriously suggested me that I can go Thai Embassy to get the Bangkok map.. erm.. I feel a bit funny ya.. and a bit kua1 zhang1 ya.. though they are serious.. Though it seems to be very kuazhang, I’m still thinking to go and take… and I suggested it to sihai.. obviously.. I kena scolded…

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Wrote the above part 2 days before… I’m here again in study room, accompanying sihai to pia for his last paper tmr.. I can see that he is really really stressed and what I can do is juz being here.. to accompany him.. nothing much I can do… really looking forward tmr, after his last paper, and finally he can grab some times for rest… and Our home miss him a lot!...

Gotta meet his dunno what financial planner, she is supposed to me my financial planner too, but I found that I dun really like to hv such a plan coz my life is sort of “fixed” by this plan.. avthing gotta follow it… is like wat I dun really like… though I know it’s good for me.. but mayb it’s not a right time for my to get involved in it.. at least to me, I dun really like it… tat’s y andrea’s fren works as a financial planner, she is looking for me, and honestly, I dun really feel like meeting her.. but somehow, I juz dunno how to reject her…

2005-10-30T23:21:00.000+08:00

Thank U, dear...

请原谅我的无理取闹。

觉得把“我爱你”挂在嘴边没诚意，却又老是嫌你没说我爱你。
希望我成为你的好伴侣，体谅你的忙碌，却又怪你没有时时刻刻照顾我，保护我。
想要独立自主，却又责骂你没帮我做主。

睡眠不足的我，很难搞。
承受压力的我，很难搞。
肚子饿坏的我，很难搞。
要求很多的我，很难搞。

谢谢你，还爱我。。。

2005-10-30T01:18:00.000+08:00

My Birthday and Our 5th anniversary

Again, Have been not updating my life in this blog for quite some times, life doesn't seem to be free, but also not too busy...

One week before my bday, i wrote a small note "i've promised kokpoh to go out ........." and i forced my dear to sign his signature at the corner of this small note. I knew he definitely would go celebrating for me, but i juz too naughty to bully him. I even wrote down his IC number, and i told LS if he broke his promise, i'll sue him.

of course we enjoyed our day. Went to chinatown, looking for travel agent, bcoz we were planning to go bangkok end of Nov. Didn't search for too many agencies. When we were at 2nd agency, he decided to confirm the trip. Am really excited for the trip! After confirming the trip, we went orchard shopping, dinner and also movie. I remembered the movie we watched was "The myth", personally, i feel this is a must watch movie! I was so touched by the story!

What present he gave me for my bday? Erm.. I hate my bday clashed wif the time when we were really busy wif our assignments and exams, so, as expected, he didn't have time to go and select a gift to me. However, He sponsored me the bangkok trip, so considered as his present to me la~...

Before the day of my bday, Irene, Jesyin and Mohlong came to meet us. We had a very simple dinner and they bought a cake and we celebrated my bday in my house. Though its simple, but i'm touched! They are always my best juniors (of course frens)... Happy to meet them.. Nowadays, we all are busy wif our own proj, hardly to meet up... so.. grab the chance to have a short gathering wif them, wif lotsa funs, jokes... Meet Lian Dee too, in school...she bought me cheese cake. *Yummy*... I was not hungry when i got this cheese cake,so decided to take it home for my dinner. Put it in the pantry of my lab. but.. I FORGOT to take it home.. I only remembered my cheese cake when i was at comp centre... Haiz, so i took the bus back to my lab and took it home... Wanhui and some other lab mates celebrated my bday few days after my bday too. Feel really happy.. and really need to thank wanhui for organizing it for me!...

Except my bday as my BIG DAY...another big day will be our 5th anniversary. Today, we went to chinatown and collect our air ticket and coupon for the hotel at bangkok. I'm really really really looking forward for our trip loh~ Went orchard again, watch movie again, watched "zai4 shuo1 yi4 ci4 wo3 ai4 ni3" by Andy. Em... "okie loh~". Select crystal jade as the place for our dinner. and shopped a while.. Anniversary means a lot to me. Sweet time didn't full occupy the 5 year time. Have gone through a lot of tough time, we ever can't really hold wif each other tightly, we ever taught to give up, but...wif all the love, perseverence, communication, giving and receiving... and we are here today!

Dear, remember? 191216... and i also know that 112196...Thanks for filling up the part of happiness of my life in the past 5 years of time. I do really treasure our relationship. Happy 5th anniversary. we would have many many more anniversaries to celebrate together.

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Okie...

This is part of my life in lab.

Ohya, having ktv session on thurs wif yingxuan, taojiong, yaoman, xinjie, seokting and sylvia. They are really mad when singing. I was pretty tired at tat time, so can only "hyper" when i myself singing. When they were singing, i was "nua" and "silent" aside. But basically, i was really really enjoyed. And i'm really really happy to know them. Plus lishan and yibing, they all bring me a lot of funs and happiness when i was in lab. W/O them, life in lab could be so much lonelier...

Still practising stroke model. Sad to face the fact that many many animals would be sufferring bcoz of my proj. I really hope i can handle stroke model very very soon, so i dun need to trouble lishan always... and i could start my own experiment very soon.

Dunnot what i shd write for my life in lab.. in fact, it's quite boring, except experiment, it's still experiment. But thing has been challenging over the time. and though it's boring, i'm quite happy to stay in lab, rather than studying, staying at home for nothing...

2005-09-24T01:09:00.000+08:00

It was a week of term break. However, i still have lesson for advanced cell, and sihai doesn't seem he was free... so, it wasn't a break for us.

Start learning animal model from Lishan.. The first thing that i learned, neither stroke model, nor injection, draw blood... but using scissors to cut the neck off to collect brain sample!!! Yibing was there to teach me..Luckily, i have dead rats that "freshly" sacrificed by Xinjie for her MI models, and she drew the blood before i learned to collect samples. So when i cut the neck, there wasn't too much blood coming out.. And i knew it's a dead rat, so, it isn't too disgusting to me. I tried 3 rats in total...

Saw Lishan doing stroke model today.. not sure if i truely saw MCA. It is such a small blood vessels!!.. Before occludinig MCA, i think i shd hv cut off many other big vessels.. So i told them to reserve few more animals for me to practise.. coz i expected to have some "gone cases"...

When i was still doing my molecular part for my fyp, i dislike the environment of level 1, i could smell the blood from animals.. and i feel it's very dirty, and it is a boring place as ppl were juz concentrating on doing their animal models. But, 2 days of my practisinig at level 1, it changes my perception of level 1. It's quite a nice environment. I saw ST doing MI while she was singing song, even dancing.. Jokes has never been disappeared.. I was happy at there..

The most important thing is, ppl there are very encouraging, especially yibing and lishan. I really appreciate wif both of them. They encouraged me a lot.. Thing wouldn't be so much easier w/o their support and companion.

Juz received a letter from Prof Bxxxx.. He wants to meet me on Monday morning.. I dunno what he gotta talk to me.. Feel a bit worried.. but can't b bothered too much, tonight is friday night, i wan to treasure this short time of slacking moment.. I enjoyed fri night, i love fri night!

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After much consideration, decided not to HK this end of dec... it's not a good timing for shopping.. and.. gimme a longer time to save more $$.. HK! wait for me at summer 2006!

So, decided to go bangkok coming dec. Though it wasn't my 1st choice. But, having trip wif him, no matter where, i believe it's still very enjoyable.

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My bday is coming. Still remember wat was happening during my last bday. One year doesn't mean long to me, doesn't mean short to me either. Ever feel tired, mentally.. and ever feel hurt, sad.. I dunno if i have been really standing up from the past, i'm not sure if i truely believe what i shd believe. But i still appreciate with the thing happened, to make me stronger, to make relationship btw us a step further. As no matter wat, we hv been holding tightly to come across all these problems.. and i treasured a lot this. and i do believe that he treasures this a lot too. His perseverence to this relationship teaches me to have more confidence to him, to me, to this relationship, let me know think positively.. let me know what happiness is, what felicity is...

2005-09-16T12:51:00.000+08:00

sick.. =(

Having v bad sore throat, coughing, cramp and headache.. after my presentation..

My presentation was okay! Present the data from my fyp. Though Prof Peter was there. But he was nice. Didn't make me feel that he's coming juz to make me feel grey to my proj. He pointed out many loopholes of my fyp and i believe i could have much improvement after his suggestion. He is stroke expert. And now, i feel he is one of the prof that i think i'll respect with.

I tot i respect to him. But now i'm not. I'm now 23 years old, and he is the 1st person to scold me so badly. And nv giv me any chance to explain. The word of "rubbish" can't be used that simply. And .. though i won't feel angry or watsoever, but .. i won't respect him from now on, in the first place, he didn't respect to me.. though i'm juz a stu, but i think respectiveness is still needed for a prof/ sup to a student..

I went through the worst before i had my presentation, so .. the presentation for me was really really ok! I greatly appreciate to those who came to support me. Though Lishan wasn't there bcoz she was exhausted for her bro's wedding the day before my presentation. But She called me before my presentation, to support me and to clarify some doubts tat i hv. Though ZJ had the prob of adjusting the time difference as he juz got back from sweden for a conference. But he was there to help me to answer those question which made me stunned, and help me to answer the questions when i stared at him, giving him hints that "HELP!!!" . Others, like Yibing, Yilong, Kalai, Seok Ting, Xinjie, NingLi and even Sharon were there for me. The strong support from them really warm me up!

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Feel so much relieved after the presentation. And i emailed dr.zhu to ask the progress of editing the review paper and i juz found that he has helped me to submit the review paper. I hope it could be published!

Talked with ZJ regarding to my postgraduate research. He said i might need to spend ten years for all those experiments tha ti need to run.. Since i'm really interested in doing research for natural products. I dun mind spending so many years for that. But what abt the PHD qualifying oral test? and the oreal defence for my PHD? Would i hv something to show if i do natural products? after all, i know the starting point for natural products is pretty low as compared to others.

well, i know this is a big challenge. Found out that in fact, in my lab, av postgraduate in lab are doing H2S. And i'm the only one who doing natural products. Some ppl might think that it's good in the way that there is no competition. But...

i hv my worries...

I need to talk wif Dr.Zhu...

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Have juz finished the online quiz for the safety course. I finally passed it! So happy and so relieved from avthing that hv burdened me a lot before.

and i sick now... haiz..

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next week gotta learn stroke model from Lishan, i feel v tensed for that.. I dun like killing animals. Though Dr.Zhu said if i dun wan to do, he asked ask somebody to do for me.. But this is not a good way to solve my prob.. i hafta overcome this prob myself!

many other techniques hafta learn from lab mates..

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my boy boy said wanna go to HK instead of bangkok end of this year. I was so happy and excited, like going to HK tmr.. so i hafta save $$ for my dream trip. I keep surfing net for the free and easy package of HK. I really hopeo dream comes true man.. Though he really promised me, and i believe he wasn't simply promise me..

The time that i wake up, the time i sleep, then time i meet my boy, the first question i asked is.. "going HK?".. He dun understand why i'm so long winded...

wanna save $$$.. anybody sees me waste money, juz scold me ok!!

2005-09-10T01:08:00.000+08:00

Was scolded by Miss Sotongette for not updating my blog for v long time, and disappeared from lab for centuries...

Decided to blog NOW!

Still on the process of editing for my review paper.. Have almost done wif presentation slides.. Feel quite worried to my presentation on next tues..

I'm dragged far far behind for my advanced cell bio, and for my stats... quite worried wif the CA which coming very very soon...

easily get into super moody mood of late. I'm not sure if this is because i have been facing my comp day and night, studying papers for review, that make me feel so sux for this kinda life.. or.. bcoz of something that i really dunno and haven't realized its impact on me..

I need to go out... to breath some fresh air!!!!!!!

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When i'm moody, but one who sufferring most always to be my dear. I thank him for so much of his hold to me...

Usually, i'll accompany him to hv dinner when he got back from lesson at 9pm plus. I know he is tired, .. i can't help him for his research, for his studies.. so somehow, the concern and care that i can giv is only that much.. This is same to him. He can't help me much for my review, my research, my studies and many other prob that i'm facing.. But he could at least listen to me, to be there fore me when i need him so.

He chose not to angry when i'm angry at him for NOTHING. just merely that i'm moody... He pretended not to know that i'm angry.. I wondering if i could bear wif him if he is as same as me...

He is still very busy. He will never NOT busy... Trying not to angry him much for not having time with me.. He tried to, at least i believe. .

am quite happy staying together wif him. Though sometimes he a bit lazy to help me to wash our clothes.. but whenever there is a blue moon, it's happy and sweet that we can do our housework together...

YOU owe me a trip to bangkok ya!!

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Privacy is important for some ppl. But somehow, over-taking this so called "privacy" make me feel you are quite so closing up urself. For being long time of no communication with you, i somehow, have nothing to talk to you.

I dunno what to be so secret if you are going out. As a friend, we just ask for tat little bit of "concern".. but u seem to take it as "gossip"... Having gf? Having buddies out there? Having fun out there? What to be so secret?

I can't understand...

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really tired.. dunno wat this blog really wants to tell, so i can't think of a title for it...

2005-08-27T01:12:00.000+08:00

Take a break, but not a right timing..

Have been not updating my blog for quite some times... Lazy and busy...

many many things to do...

trying to define the direction of my postgraduate research... talk wif dr.zhu this morning... i hope it is clearer than b4...

still struggling wif the review paper, which i promised him to do during May.. and i delayed till now, whereby deadline of submission is mid of sep...

Say sorry to dr.zhu, i'm trying to hard to rush it out, he said nevermind, he understands ppl always try to delay.. a bit embarrassed, but he is nice..

after the review paper, then could be my 1st paper of Braintone, and it's important to me, coz i gotta do research on Braintone in the next 4 year of times..

no no, should be the presentation.. my 1st presentation of my postgraduate... That's cruel i think... and i m so unwilling to present my fyp data... but i hv to...

and also to finalize wh's paper...

have not been revising my lesson for quite some times, and i know i'm so much farer away...

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Many many things happen on me of late...

I got my 1st month pay of scholarship.. but i'm again very poor.. after paying the rental, and utility expenses that i owe for 2 months...no $, but still can survive, but i'm not rich...

Dad going back to home, such a scenario could bring any changes to my family? I hope not...

Always pray that mum's health is ok.. I feel pain when i heard she is weak...

Brother cares me a lot... he is still the same.. his love to me will never get reduced..

Sister urged me to send her my pictures taken during convo, i have not done it yet, i was lazy to do when i was free, and i'm not free to do now...

Allen is still the same, busy and busy.. and i know he is trying to hard to adjust himself, trying to take some times out for me... coz i blamed him a lot, especially when i was sick... He is becoming nicer and nicer, after he has got back from Tioman trip.. i joke if he did something bad to me during his trip... but i believe he is not..

2005-07-30T01:45:00.000+08:00

~in Blue~

Not tat good in mood these few days... Nobody offended me...

Some problems, or.. can i call it as "problem"? something that i call it as 'problem' is just always there for me to worry about...

I'm so so so worried (another) HIM... i hate him a lot.. but i love him a lot too.. no matter how much he has hurt me.. i know i could never stop loving him...

I'm so worried to myself, which i seldom let too many ppl knows abt it.. only sihai, and probably my family know... they keep telling me, it's juz a very small problem, but i'm still worried, coz i see too many examples... Though sihai told me, even if it happened on me, he will still be there for me...

research going to start soon.. though we always tok abt the future of me and him, like, when finish our studies, wat to do... earn money, having good life.. but... back to the origin, could i really make it? do i hv such an ability to do my research, and not to let ppl disappointed?

ppl argue coz they love their partner too much, so they feel hurt whenever they dun get something that they expected to hv... i was like tat too, or.. i'm like tat too... Nobody is perfect, like wat KY told me, it is the thing of giving and taking...I scared arguement, though ppl said it somehow helps in improving one's relationship, but it's kinda game which hurt me so so so much... and i believe, my partner would get hurt as much as wat i feel... it dun feel good when u know ppl are argueing.. and i could juz sit for whole afternoon, re-thinking the their stories, and i hope i myself to get into wrong direction...

Hardly pulling myself out from the worst situation of me and him...i know he is trying hard to make me happy... I'm learning to be independent, to be more mature, to be more considerate, to be tougher, to be stronger, and to be happier, so to make my partner happy.. :)

At least, i hope i could make it one day...

2005-07-26T15:40:00.000+08:00

~Updates~

Have not been updating my blog for quite some times... because i'm busy? not really, juz bcoz i'm lazy...

Family came to meet me for my big day (convocation) on 06/07... Surprisingly, dad came too... They wanted to stay at JB for one day, to visit JB. So, i tried to ask my buddies that where i should bring them.. the answer i got was "JB is basically a boring city"...

and now i agree.. but what to do, my cousin had booked hotel for us, so, we have to stay... didn't shop a lot at city square, coz my dearest brother can't stand wif shopping wif few "women"... he felt its so bored!

We went JB zoo...Pity zoo, pity animals inside there, and pity us visiting such a poor place... and i think we would never step in again?.. at least i hope to...

for some reasons, i decided not to post any photos taken wif family.. :)

The hotel was situated at skudai, and my cousin's house is also at skudai, which is so far way from JB custom, so my brother decided to drive in sg since we got informed that there is promotion of ten days free for drive in Sg...

Driving + a guide with serious mental map problem (who is me!).... it sounds so unpractical... We spent for about 2 hours to find the hotel that i booked for them in Sg... And my brother said.. "park our car at hotel carpark, dun wanan drive in Sg anymore".. coz he no longer believe me... and we took cab to anywhere we wanted to go...

kekeke... sorry lo~~

Stephy's big day was on 08/07/2005... It was a day with real happiness, feeling of achivement... It was so so so happy that my brother would like to take a photo wif me initiatively, and with a little smiley face... I know he is happy!

On the ceremony, i got my cert from an unknown ppl, and i have no interest to find out who he is also... and i juz enjoyed the moment when i know my family is looking at me who holding my cert on the stage...though i'm not the student from first class honours division, but at that time, i know avone of us has the same kind of feeling.. happy and feeling of proud..!

4 years of hard works, step by step, from hopeless for honours to honours, from 3rd class division, to second lower, and slowly to se cond upper division... Be honest, i'm proud to myself...i really do!

When ceremony came to the end, i feel kinda unwilling to say goodbye to my undergraduate life, and front of the stage, few sentences coming out, i can't remmeber what the sentences are, except one "You have made your family proud"..My tears almost came out! It's so touched, it means so much to me... I thank my brother who never blame anything, willingly gave me watever i wan, to support me all these 4 years... I thank my mum who always be there for me, worried my health, giving me full confidence for all my choices, and my sisters, who believe in me... and also my dearest sihai, who never leave me alone, who always tell me that i can make it,who make my journey of undergraduate to be so much wonderful... Their concerns, their cares, their trusts, make my life to be completed!

Photo taken with My dearest sihai, with a polar bear which is also one of the NUS centennial graduand, and a bunch of flowers, and also "fake" degree scroll.. hee...

from left, Xinkitty who loves hello kitty sooooooooooo much, me, Lishan; and Wanhui.. We will meet up again in lab.. working together again!!

After taking so many pictures with frenz, family... we went to for dinner, in a rush.. u know why.. coz i didn't have my lunch that afternoon, and sihai didn't have his lunch too, coz he was rushing back from company to bring my family to UCC and attend my convo.. So touching dear... After the dinner, i can say i'm exhausted, i dunno why, though we didn't walk a lot, talk a lot, do a lot activities during convo, juz taking pictures... mayb we were too "hyper" during our convo and use too much energy to put a huge smile on our face?? I told sihai he will know how tiring it could be on his convo..

Family was here till Sunday (10/07/05).. So i brought them around in Sg... We went city hall, esplanade, orchard, bugis, chinatown, and also sentosa..

Picture taken @ underwaterworld, sentosa.. Can see we r so "hyper"? coz we were standing on escalator, so, we actually "walking" to somehow "fixed" ourself to be at the same location, so my sister can take a pic for us... u may ask..."like that oso funny?" my answer is: ya.. coz we quite stupid...

It is so unwilling to c my family went off... When they left, i suddenly felt so unwell, like headache, feverish, sore throat...haiz.. i was juz too tired or.. i juz dun wanna c them leaving? ... argh...wanna go back with them!! dun wan to be left alone in Sg... Sihai can feel that... so he did console me, tell me he promised to accompany to go back to KL again very very soon...

Rest so early on sunday night after knowing my family has reached home safely..

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Monday afternoon, sihai's family coming for his convo on the next day (12/07/05)... I can't really go to pay his family a visit at hotel coz they have 5 ppl oredi.. Their car can't accommodate me, the 6th ppl..

We rest early that night cause we can "forsee" tmr will be a tiring day...

Woke up early in the morning of 12/07, i did a light make up, and go to UCC with him early, coz need to help him to wear the gown...After a while, his family were there too.. and his sister bought him a bunch of really nice, beautiful roses... can tell that his sister, father were so happy and proud for him...

First time meet their family.. and from wat they react, they seemed like knowing me for quite some times oredi... and they treated me very very nice.. though i'm too timid that i dun hv much to tok wif them.. but they r really nice...

I was able to enter his ceremony too, and i sat at 3rd floor last row.. when he was on the stage, i could juz see a small small "human", like an ant to grap a food (the degree scroll)... so of course, i can't take a nice pic for him..

Felt so proud to him, bought the bear to him..There is his name on the gown of the bear, and also the cert holder.. hope he happy!...plus the flowers from her sister... he is the most obvious graduand in that session.. haha...

Like both pictures a lot...Thanks our photographer, cheeseng.. We cherish that we have been holding together tightly so the whole past 4 years.. and we will still the same for the future...

UCC, we will be back after 4 years! (i hope i could get my PHD conversion, so i could graduate wif him together after 4 years, but not after 2 years, for master graduation-- alone... ) That would be the time for him to earn many many big bucks for me to spend and shopping le... haha...

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It's still not the time for rest after our convocation... It's time for packing and moving house... So, we spent time to pack our stuff.. and we asked mover to help us to move to our stuff to new house..

Hmph! mover said the rate should be from 60 to 100, but they charged us 100.. cheeseng and lian dee said the same thing.. how come we hv so many things, and asking are we migrating?? haha... we have about 30 boxes of things, or more than that..

packing and unpacking is really not a nice game... we spent few days to unpack and clean our house... spending too much to pay the rental and deposit, things like tat.. so.. i dun hv extra $ to buy cupboard to put my textbooks.. and i still need a small cabinet..

anyone can buy to me?

We finally get settled down.. and quite happy staying here.. with cheeseng and cherhong...we jokes, bully each other.. and we sing crazily even though there is not ktv sounds system.. we juz like singing!

poor neighbour of us.. hee..

and it's time for me to start my research, and oso must help dr.zhu to finish writing the papers which i hv promised him long time agoooo...

2005-07-05T01:24:00.000+08:00

Happy BirThDaY to my beloved Hoi~

I juz wanna shouted Happy birthday to my dearest allen...

He has been sooo busy until i realized he really forgot that his bday was approaching... I almost forgot actually.. I'm not too busy in fact, i'm juz too slack until my brain dead...

Was having imsonia sunday night.. totally can't fall asleep.. until 7am... which the time i supposed to wake up and go to clementi to have "sweet" breakfast with my dear... We have this date for since dunno how many years ago... since he started working at chartered... Everyday, i told him, tmr we go breakfast k? he said ok.. and will wait for me... however, the time i wake up, it's the time for lunch... !! i'm quite a duh gf... no choice... He didn't call me.. coz he knows my promise for the breakfast was actually a bad cheque.. but i indeed wanted to go!! believe me!!...

So, imsonia is good for me.. at least, i won't b late for the breakfast right?... However, thunder and lightning was there to keep frightening me from 630am... Worried if Allen couldn't reach his company on time if there was heavy raining so i decided to call him earlier.. His sounds tired, and i know he was studying throughout the whole night.. and his sounds to me that he knows i won't be going out for the breakfast! Argh man, this time is not my fault ok...

Went out in the morning with Yvonne to accompany her to settle some stuff.. and after lunch.. i can't wait for sleeping!.. I"m so tired ...

ZzZzZzzzzzzzz.. until... 5pm..

hardly standing up, open the comp, and as usual, go to nuscast, then open channel U to watch bai3 fen1 bai3.. That was a 38 show of entertainment news... which i like..

and.. i'm juz too lazy.. so i called allen and tell him i'll wait him for dinner.. dun forget to take away some nice food to me..

As usual, he bought our dinner at clementi, and we had dinner together.. within half an hour, he felt asleep... i think he was too tired...

oh no... i forgot i shall go and buy a cake??

went to NUH.. and standing in front of variety of cakes.. i can't really decided which one to buy... ppl selling the cakes was staring at me.. stare laaa.. spending about 15 minutes, finally.. i chose one fruity cake.. but i tell u.. i think i'm cheated by its appearance.. in fact, it taste.. ok ok lo...

Em... rush back to my room.. so that allen won't realized i went out.. hide the cake in the fridge in pantry... wah lao.. the fridge is damn smelly... smell of rotten eggs... wondering how ppl could juz put their fruits, milk, and others wrapped with plastic begs which i dunno wat those things r...

and actually, i'm one of them.. i die die put the cake into the fridge which has actually almost full.. no more empty space.. but i juz die die put it into it.. by pushing ppl's thingy to the back... haha..

He quite smart.. wake up by 1130... and i told him.. i wanna go dabian.. he asked.. 1 hour enough or not? i said might not enough... if i having constipation.. oops..

taking out the cake.. and borrowed a lighter from Yvonne... put the candle nice nice on the cake.. clever me.. inflame the candle without switching off the fan..after burning my fingers few times...i juz able to inflame all the candles.. so excited, take the cake.. and.. the light quenched off... arghhhhhhh

giv up!

knock my door.. Allen opened the door..

SURPRISE!!!!

Sing bday song to him.. he smiles... and we enjoyed the moment...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR~~~

2005-07-02T01:57:00.000+08:00

New template of blog

So.. this is a new template for my blog.. i should thank kunyao for teaching me how to create it.. but i won't put all the contribution of my new template to him.. I CREATED IT DE LOH..~~~ hee hee...Still wish to have some nice music in my blog.. but kunyao said he will help if i beg him... he said he is strong wo~~shouldn't complain him too much here.. otherwise, he will said i break his reputation...

ok... wasn't feeling so well these few days... but it's much more better now...

Hoi Hoi is very busy lately, and i could feel his tense.. and i could feel that his is becoming short-tempered.. all juz because he is too tensed over his work... I hope the best to him...and hope he dun get lost while he is trying hard to achive what he wishes to get... I know he got lotsa dream, he got lotsa targets that he wanna hit... i would juz be there to support him.. but dun neglect me while u r fighting for ur future...

my commencement will be on next Friday... so.. as planned.. my family will be coming on Wednesday.. They will reach at JB first, stay there for one night, perhaps have a window shopping at city square.. but ho.. except city square, i think i know no where to go... i shall ask some of my friends regarding to it? like sea food? which is my brother's favourite..Yvonne said i'm clever to ask for sea food at JB.. hey.. i'm always so smart!!... anyway, i like this sentence from Yvonne -->we usually eat seafood at somewhere near to sea... haha...it's not supposed to be a funny sentence.. but i juz feel it funy!!

Then on Thurs, they will be coming to Sg... it's so excited that i'll go around in Sg with my family... I wan to let them c NUS, wan to let them c my house.. i wan to let them explore my life!!

went to take our gown on monday evening.. it was my 1st time that i felt extremely excited for my commencement... felt kinda glad for the achivement that i did while i got my gown.. it was not juz a simple gown... it means a lot to me...same thing happen to Hoi Hoi.. I can c his happiness, and i could understand what he feels at tat time.. that gown means a lot to him too...

He had a table tennis match with chartered stuff on Thursday evening... He told me he lost.. So i dun dare to ask too much.. but end up i was cheated... Ppl normally used branded shirt, pants, shoes, socks while they have competition... but he wore like how he wear at home... and he used NTUC plastic bag to protect his racket.. quite duh lo... and he told me.. while his emulant show his outfit, he said "can we be faster, so after this game, you dun need to come again..".. he was looking down hoi hoi...

15-10, 15-3, 15-2... Hoi Hoi won.. and the other guy was so embarrased...

hey... this was so duh lo.. i do hope hoihoi dun use NTUC plastic bag again... haha...

and I hope he got the champion!!

Went out this evening, to c the 0% interest installment offerred by harvey norman... wish to buy a new digital camera.. for my commencement... but juz realized there is no dig cam model that i wan.. and the installment could only be made by using DBS credit card.. why not citybank? why not ambank? i have credit card, juz not from DBS..

Luckily.. my dear friend, chee seng has asked a nice dig cam for me... so.. i could take lotsa pic durin gmy commencement.. and pic of my family in sg! yeah!!

Next weekend, we could get the keys for our new house.. I'm very excited to move out... I could decorate my new rooms.. and i could start my new life soon!

Ohya.. i finally got my admission letter for master programme on last friday (24/6)... Waiting is always so sufferring!!.. and finally i got you!!...

Medical check out.. renewal of student pass.. discussion of proj.. many many things to do.. but i'm so lazy to do...

a post with all rubbish

2005-06-28T22:36:00.000+08:00

dun like ppl who came and ask for my opinion, yet they nv take my words into consideration...

F***

dun like ppl told me his/her worries, and somehow, i feel worried too, and even trying to think how to solve his/her prob.. and in the end, he/she is actually not too worried about that, giving himself/herself too many excuses, and he/she is actually thinking another stuff which is far less important than his/her worries...

F***

is BOYFRIEND really important for a gal? i think it is...i ever take my boyfriend very very important.. till... i can giv up most of my stuff... luckily... my boyfriend is sihai... i can't say he is perfect to me.. we went through a lot... he hurts me before, damn hurt... same, i did hurt him too.. issit as hurt as how i get hurt? mayb...

but still, luckily, my boyfriend is sihai..

i love him a lot... and i believe he loves me a lot too...

i'm sad to c ppl who juz never bother about thier studies, their career, their friends, their family.... juz because of their partner.. juz because of the one that they think they love each other so much..

ppl has different priority.. mayb they dun agree with what i said.. mayb they think love should be the first, then next only to ur studies or ur career...

but i will always think... if u never put in effort to wat u have obligated to, are you a responsible ppl? when you are not responsible to ur own stuff, how could i request you to b responsible to me?

quoted from mavis' nick: money is root of all evil...spend all ur time with ur partner, dun study, dun work...and u did nothing for ur life... is this life meaningful? ppl always argue when they hv financial prob... love might juz gone when this kind of arguement keep occuring ...

i'm realistic... i'm a truely really realistic gal... i need a guy who can giv me the feeling of safe...thanks him to giv me this.. thanks him to magnify my happiness...

all i wrote is rubbish.. juz rubbish... suddenly got a mood swing... mayb bcoz he is trying to cut down the days that he promised me to go bangkok?? and i could expect our trip would b juz dead cheque...

i dunno...

3D2N @ Genting Highlands ~ 20/6 -- 22/6

2005-06-26T01:42:00.000+08:00

So... Hoi Hoi, me, Lian Dee and Jiayi met up at pudu bus station on Monday 11am... and we booked a cab to go to genting..

feel so bad taking cab up there... i felt nausea!! ... Yes, i have the problem of motion sickness....

Mum called me while i was on my way to genting.. and i juz shouted...

"i wanna vomit!!!"

mum laughed.. and oops... i neglected my dear driver's feeling....

dear driver, i know it's not ur fault.. it's my prob... !!

Finally.. we reached... and we spent 2 hours to check in... It was monday!! how come there were still so many ppl...

wondering how much genting could earn per day.. must be a lot!

Rest a while in hotel, and i was in fact quite tired... especially situated up at this nice cool hills... we were obviously LAZY!

damn lucky we were... ppl tot we haven't collected our coupon offered with the package we chose.. so they gave me additional couponss.. we would hv enough meal voucher to settle our breakfast + lunch + dinner...

buffet is great!

before having our dinner, we went to ktv... show off our power of singing.... power = shout...

juz shout!

after dinner.. we went to watch movie.. Mr. and Mrs. Smith..

This is a movie that u must watch!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next day, early in the morning, after we had our breakfast... we straightly entered theme park... They are brave.. they tried all the games..

Space shoot, flying coaster, minetrain,... which none of them i dare to play...

i'm juz too timid!

i know i'm quite shao3 xin4 ..

while waiting them to play the games, i was sitting at a empty space... wind was so strong... and i felt so cold.. and i enjoyed the weather...

really enjoy..

but i never realize something bad gotta happen...

wind was so strong, and i never realize my face was so dry..

never realize that i was on a small hill...higher than where i stay normally... and sun was shining directly on me..

i got SUN BURN !!!!

wat a weird scenario...

SUN BURN AT GENTING ????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a bit unhappy at theme park.. mayb i never clarify to lian dee and jiayi that i'm not the type of person who can actually play all these games, in fact, i m the type of timid ppl!... and i know i make them a bit shao3 xin4? and... in fact, i do tell allen that mayb juz let me stay in hotel, i could watch movie.. so, they won't need to worry me, while i'm waiting them, and i won't make them shao3 xin4 too??

he was too care about me.. end up, mayb i was too sensitive.. and a bit pissed off.. bcoz he trying to accompany me, and not to play the game...

but i know he cares me a lot!! he dun wish to "put" me alone in hotel... coz he scared i'll b bored... he rather dun play the game, sit with me.. waiting lian dee and jiayi together with me.. not to play the game.. take some photoes with me.. i m in fact touched.. hoi hoi said, he knows avbody has their "weakness", "prob".. he knows i juz couldn't play, and he won't force me, and he will understand, he won't feel bored to be with me...

dear.. it's enough!.. :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

almost spent whole day at outdoor theme park.. Around 5pm.. we back to our room and take shower... then dinner... then..we shopped a while...then... it's time for

CASINO!!!

Allen brought in RM100, never think to win... but we end up have RM225! .. we were so lucky... i think God is trying to compensate for my face??? so, he brought a bit luck to me?

Dun forget, Jiayi is still only 19.. but we were clever.. finally we were able to bring her enter the casino.. yes man! we are so smart!!!

this is POWER DOLPHIN!

can c jiayi wish to gamble a bit too, though she didn't...

we stayed at casino until 1am something.. we went for movie .. "batman"..

i was sooooooooooooo sleepy during the show.. so i told allen that i can't really understand the story...

sorry batman..

next day, after breakfast, we checked out.. and took the skyway, then bus.. to go to KL... they knew i scared taking skyway.. they joke with me, tease me.. and we had fun there..

I enjoyed the trip.. again, must say sorry to hoi hoi, lian dee and jiayi that i can't really make the trip to be perfect, especially while in the outdoor theme park.. make them quite uneasy..

other than that...

I enjoyed this trip....

my HOME

2005-06-23T16:05:00.000+08:00

Home is always so sweet!!...

went back to KL for 1 week...

went back in a rush, on last friday night, after me and hoi hoi have dinner with jiayi... we suddenly decided to go back to KL, instead of saturday..

tat was exciting... because we worried if there is no more mid night bus back to KL..

but we are lucky... we got a comfortable bus back to KL..

and we are bad luck.. coz he lost his S700i... !!!!

we were so down...

reached KL at around Sat 7am... and we went to hv our breakfast at petaling street.. YUMMY!!

staying at home most of the time, hoi hoi went back to sg on sunday night... he starting his work at chartered, and PHD programme..so he is quite bc..

Mum is weak.. i feel worried her always... decided to save some money to buy some tonics for her...

She juz had her 60's bday on thursday (16/6)... i wish she is happy that day... Sister and i brought her to do passport on that day, very early in the morning... so she could come to my commencement... We tot applying passport for elderly, is only RM150.. but there is no such a discount for elderly ...

hmph!!

went to have breakfast after applying passport.. and bad luck sister got her "samman" by M.P.S.J bcoz she did something wrong... hee hee...

bad luck ho!!

Hoi Hoi went back to KL on thursday midnight, and we went to renew our IC on fri morning...

he told me he forgot to bring genting coupon back to KL!

wah lao ehhhh!!!

so.. he is forced to back to sg again on sat.. juz to get teh genting coupon...

back to KL again in the same day..

i know he is very tired...

we will be going to genting for 3D2N with lian dee and jiayi on monday..

master programme: my acknowledgement

2005-06-07T01:34:00.000+08:00

Dr.Zhu said: Another GOOD news to you... through the phone...

At 4:00pm... while i'm still complaining to allen that dizziness came to disturb me again!!...

and Dr.Zhu became my best treatment...

He seems like a santa claus, always bring me happiness... he told me my 2nd good news, which is ...

i got the offer of master programme of FoM under NUS, with the offer of scholarship!!!!!

Yeah!!!!!!!

though i'm still waiting for the letter of admission... I was informed to send in my latest results slip... So i went to YIH to print my result slip online and sent to the relevant department immediately...

I was quiet though I have many many questions to ask... Allen "sensed" it.. and he helped me...

Is her offer confirmed??... "Yes"

when can she get the letter of admission??... "2 week times"

i'm happy... i'm in fact very happy...

Tell this to my friend, lian dee.. and feel so happy when i tell her this news, coz she will always show me her "over-reacted" happiness... and at the same time, i oso feel damn shuang!

Whoever knows this, they asked, am i happy? am i satisfied with what i get? and they said they r so happy for me, coz they saw my effort, pulling the CAP from 3.10 to 4.03...

Am i happy? Yes, definitely, i'm happy, dunno y.. my happiness didn't show out with some over reaction...but.. it's a sense of fulfillment... my heart keep saying... "finally, finally, guobao, finally u did it..."

master programme was my dream, and i dun dare to think of my dream while i'm in my year 1...when the time that my CAP was 3.1... Day by Day, efforts + efforts, efforts x efforts... and i got it...

They said, honours year was torturing. I agree... However, i would say, without honours year, my uni life is juz empty.. Knowing a lot of nice frenz in this year, and i know my ability, i trained my indepedence, my strength, better in combatting with stress, bad situation, ugly people politics...

and i would say, i hv no regret...

I would say also.. my achievement not only belongs to me, belongs to many many ppl...

Allen -- my best dear dear, who never leave me alone, who never suspect my ability, who always believe me, support me, encourage me and tell me the right way to go, who i always giv vent when i'm angry.. Without him, my life would b much lonelier, and my achievement might not be obtained that easily... thanks dear...

My family -- Brother, my main financial support, Mother, who always share with me her thoughts, and my 2 sisters.. who always always support me.. They never give me any pressure for my studying.. and they always believe me and support me the journey i choose...

Dr.Zhu -- Knowing him not more than 1 year, but he gav me a lot of opportunities. I will never forgot the time when we rushing for thesis, he sent an email asking us not to be too stressed...Bringing us to china for a conference...Helping me so much for the application of master program...and i could only say, YOU are nice and thank you!

Lian dee -- will never never forgot the time when she accompanied me in the lab. Though i know she was bored... She was still there for me, listen to me.. whenever i need her, she will juz right there for me.. Thanks gal!

PIG fren DOG fren -- Support from You all is needed... And All of you always always always warm me a lot.

I dunno how to describe a lot of xin1 li3 hua4...

really

Thanks you all!!!

30/05/05~05/06/05: a week of breakpoint

2005-06-03T22:36:00.000+08:00

A week of breakpoint for me, and for Allen...

He did quite ok in his final exam.. so he confirmed to have the offer for PHD programme in NUS.

I did quite ok too... though i'm still waiting for the admission of master programme from faculty of medicine in NUS..

and we going to sign contract with the owner of our new house..

we gotta have a new house at clementi.. yea yea...

now when we went shopping, we like to see electrical stuff, like cooker, fan, tv... and we like to imagine how to decorate our new house...

of cause this happens to cheeseng too... he told me he wants to buy the DVD home theatre system... Allen said ok... and allen said.. he will go and buy dryer...

DVD home theatre system!!
dryer!!

they asked me what i wan...

emmmm..

let me think about it...

ok...

i told them...

i wan...

i wan...

i wan....

pink closestool...

which i saw at clementi on Tuesday.. its damn cute... and i could imagine my stool will not smelly if i produce it in tat pink closestool...

they fainted...

-----------------------------------------------------

anyway, i'm still waiting the whether i could be admitted by Faculty of medicine (under NUS) for master programme...

-----------------------------------------------------

Happyn to talk with jiayi regarding to her study prob... how to say...seeking a balance between ur favourite and ur obligation is always a tough job. I gav her a lot advices, told her a lot of my experiences.. i hope i could help her.. and i hope she could think nicely... and i believe there is always a path for us to solve our prob... anyway.. i juz hope, once she decided what to do, she would also be able to find a way to make herself more comfortable along the journey that she decided to go...

----------------------------------------------------

suddenly i lost my mind what i should write on... think i should continue next time, and i hope i could hv a good news regarding to the admission for my next entry...

Congrats, Stephy!

2005-05-31T22:10:00.000+08:00

Congrats Stephy..

A big applause to Stephy, quick!!!

haha...

i dunno if i should say i'm happy or... disappointed...

I got quite a not bad grade for my final year proj.. so, i able to pull my CAP up to second upper!!.. Yeah Yeah!!!!

However,

I did very very badly for my core module... I got my 1st C for my core module... Arghhhhh.. i ever tell Allen that i do not wan to c a C for my core module.. Butttt.. i saw it today !!! this is wat a disappointment !!!.... and i got an B- for another module...

Sad cases...

Anyway, i shouldn't blame too much .... I spent only 2 days in finish preparing the exam.. How could i expect myself to hv an A ?? No!!...

Anyway... at least... I'm at second upper liao... Yeah.. I'm graduated! and... i m quite bc.. busy for ordering gown, register commencement, and find an off compus accommodation... a lot a lot...

actually... Allen helped me do everything... am i busy? actually not !.....*paiseh*

Can't really concentrate on writing today...

not bcoz i'm too happy... juz bcoz i was keep disturbed to write, coz we juz confirm a house with an owner.. will need to settle something...

b back soon.. :)

My family

2005-05-28T02:18:00.000+08:00

Got back to NUS on Tues... Miss home immediately while i reached Singapore. Not trying to say Singapore is not a good place... I like Singapore, I like M'sia too...

I like my home most...

Staying at home for 2 week times, having different kind of feelings...

My mum is great! Every day at home, i had fresh fruit juice prepared by her... If i went out, she will juz prepare it when i reach home.. to make sure i drink FRESH juice.. She perfectly take good care to everyone of us... and she makes the home to be so so so sweet!

I miss apple juice now...

Happen to talk with my mum one night.. Talked a lot of past.. I shockingly realized she is unexpectedly strong. Stronger than me, stronger than everyone of my family... Though Dad hurt me.. hurt we all.. but the person who hurt most, i believe is my mum... and my mum could just talk with me about all these story in a calm situation...

My brother is always the one who protects us... That day, my mum told me, he will still angry when he saw that woman.. Somehow, i dun understand... For me, maybe i would, because she is the one who breaks my family... but my hate wasn't that strong...

I neglected that when my dad was too over bcoz of this woman, i was still a child, many kinda thoughts i wouldn't have... for my bro, he would have.. he saw everything.. he saw a happy family was broken.. his dream was gone... his future was gone...

and now.. my hate to this woman is very strong.. my dislike my dad too... but Allen consoles me always always always... my dad is still my dad...

He is still my dad... but somehow, i just couldn't talk with him anymore...

Dun talk about him...

i'm very very happy right now!... because i have a understanding mum, and best brother... Of course, my 2 sisters...

I treasured the relationship between me and my mum, we talked everything, including my love towards allen... She shared with me her feelings too...

My best brother, my financial support... he sacrifice his everything for me, for this home... he never ask anything from us...

My sisters.. One always share with me about anything of body care, one always be my drivers... haha...

Went to Allen's house... We didn't spend much time to go out shopping.. We spent most of our time with family in KL... Sometimes, i feel quite worried to Allen... especially when his grandmum juz left him.. I'm glad that my family understand this too... and Watever "activities" my family wanna hv, they will always include Allen..

And trust me

its the happiest, most felicitious when u r together with all the person u love and u know these ppl also love u so much... I feel so sweet and touched, when i saw them happy too..

We went a seafood dinner at klang, me, my family and Allen... This is the happiest, most felicitious time for me !!...

-------------------------------------------------------------

Dear dear is having fever now.. and bone ache.. i pray he is not having dengue...

I'm praying...

-------------------------------------------------------------

My final examination result is going to be released very very soon.. And i would know how my master admission is very soon...

I understand that my case for master admission is not that positive... I thank Dr.Zhu a lot that i know he concerned me a lot.. Though he said he couldn't help me much.. but as long as there is a person who trust on u so much, who support u so much.. ...

I dunno how to describe this kinda feeling... Except thanks, i dunno what i should say..

Of course, my family .. who nv giv me any pressure on it.. and always call me ask me to take it easy...

And..

Allen... except consoling me, but also telling me many facts, and preparation that i should do... Though sometimes i dun like to hear.. but sorry dear.. i know all u said is for my own good...

Anyway..

i'm indeed very tensed for these...

I'm praying for this too...

my 1st blog at home!

2005-05-21T00:35:00.000+08:00

Yo Yo...

using my lousy home pc... trying to update my blog...

Kunyao went to HK on tues, Raofeng moved to Pasir Panjang oredi... em... when i got back to Singapore.. perhaps, i'll need to look for an off campus housing too... Of course, my him will be my housemate, and Cheeseng, his fren.. will be our housemates too...

Home... really really sweet!!!

tmr, will be going to klang to hv nice seafood dinner!.. wif my whole family.. plus my him! V happy le...v v happy while surrounded by ppl i love, and ppl who love me.. v v sweet and happy!

wanna use Allen's camera phone to take some photo while we having our dinner... i wanted to take photoes too, while we shopped at KLCC... v shuai1 lo... his phone dead.. no batt liao!... aiksss... i blamed him doesn't care abt me.. wahhahhaa.. he showed me kinda "wu2 nai4" face...

hope tmr, his hp is not low batt...

i ever struggled for my family prob, and companionship btw me and allen... Though struggling, and of course, this hurt me and hurt those ppl who love me a lot... somehow, i lost my mind, what is the definition of "happiness"...

talk w mummy... she seems like worried abt my worries too.. and she said "try ur best ot understand something so called "shun4 qi2 zi4 ran2""... "let it be natural"...... yea....

think a lot..

and now understand,

at least i hope i understand...

dun think too much...

happiness is?

for me...

my family + my him + (v soon.. my career)...

Home SWEET Home

2005-05-10T01:41:00.000+08:00

Another 4 hours, i'll be going back heading to custom, then Larkin, then go back to KL...go back at such a early time because my him will need to meet up his dad in the afternoon. He dad will be going to oversea today...

Nevermind, we can rest in the bus... 5 hours of travelling...

I'm now waiting for laundry... So, spend some time to update my blog before i leave.

There were many things happened after i posted my new entry of blog last time. Firstly, i finally finished my last paper of NUS undergraduate.. After that paper, i was unexpectedly "peaceful", as in... i dun feel happy, i dun feel sad... mayb i had both feelings, so they neutralized each other? And i juz can't tell what my feeling was...

While waiting to hear "you may leave now" in the exam hall, i tried to "look more", in different angles, of the exam hall... I might not have chance to sit here and write something that i mug for few days... Look at it.... in my heart, i said.. bye bye.. with sad smile...

Went for nice dinner, movie 三岔口, with my him.. He said that movie was not v nice.. But i felt it's nice, to the angle that how deep a person would love someone... i cried for it.. i'm touched and i'm sad for the story... and i'm told i'm water tap...

After that, i shopped for another few more times, had another few more times of nice dinner... (oh.. nice dinner means any food out from campus)... I m v v happy... I met most of my frens... v v happy...

I moved my room from old kent ridge hall from extension tower block.. initially, i thought this was just a very short distant of moving... so.. easy job man!... But trust me, not at all!!! Since tower block and old kent ridge is on a small hill (can i say it's a small hill?)... So... we climb a lot of staircase! "staircase" to tower block, and "staircase" back to my old room. All my "pig fren dog fren" knows i got "mountain" of stuff! so.. i guessed Allen had walked more than 20 times of all these staircase? Tat's crazy!

Anyway, i like my new room, though it's not comparable as old kent ridge...I like most my old room..

Will move off campus on July.. commencement on July too... July means starting of my new life

Tok with Dr.Zhu the day after i finished my exam. Discuss something that i promised him i'll help during vacation... Erm.. for master application, i know my chance of getting it is quite low... So, i would need to change my plan for this vacation, except helping Dr.Zhu for the lab work, and perhapas the paper writing? I would need to try to find jobs... I hope i could work in research field... No matter how, i dun wish my job is unrelated to what i learned during my undergraduate, else, i'll feel i wasted my uni time. Though i shouldn't think in that way.. but still i will think like tat...

I follow my feel...

Somehow, feel a bit disappointed to myself when i reevaluated the chance of getting graduate studies. Though i ever asked myself dun think too much for the graduate studies. Juz take it naturally... I never think i would be affected that much..

and..

I wasn't too happy with Allen for the past few days...

I understand he did a lot for me... travelling btw KL and Singapore.. He can choose not to do so... But i dunno y, i always like to think, something that i shouldn't think? Dun ask me what that ar.. I dun wish to type it out, not for anyone, but for me, i dun wish i would be emotionally affected one day when i read my post back...

Y not stay calm and stay happily? Tok to him again... and asking myself everyday, really everyday... asking myself to giv him 1 more percent of confidence day by day... one day 1 percent.. I hope i can trust him, giv him confidence, giv this relationship confidence... 100%

Trust is so much important for maintaining a relationship. It's so painful when u have so much doubts for one that you love.. and i think it's so painful when you are not trusted by someone that u love...

y so sad for the master? y so extreme when looking a companionship? I juz know that when i'm trying to hold something tighter, i feel much more suffered...

I was bad in situation because there was raining, i was wet by my tears...

and now i can see the rainbow...

Time to collect my clothes....Will be back to my blog after i got back from m'sia... At that time, definitely i can tell you all how happy i was at home...

Juz for my love... ~Allen~

2005-05-02T13:06:00.000+08:00

最初的夢想

如果驕傲沒被現實大海冷冷海嘯

又怎回頭的要有多努力才走得到遠方

如果夢想不曾墜落懸崖前據一方

又怎會曉得執著的人也有隱形翅膀

把眼淚裝在心上會看出勇敢的話

可以在疲憊的時光閉上眼睛聞到一種芬芳

就像好好睡了一夜直到天亮

有人邊吵著又哼著歌用著輕快的步伐

沮喪時總會明顯感到孤獨的重量

我渴望懂得的人給些溫暖借個肩膀

很放心一路上我們的默契那麼長

穿過風又繞個彎心海仍舊像往常一样

最初的夢想緊握在手上

最想要去的地方怎能在半路就分合

最初的夢想絕對會到達

實現了整個渴望才能算到過了天堂

Stephy's record

2005-05-01T01:44:00.000+08:00

Finally, i come to the end of my NUS undergraduate life...

Not yet! but last paper will be on next Tues! Chinese history, i do not know the actual title of this module, i declared it s/u, and i skipped more than half of the lessons for whole semester, spending most of the time, to do lab...

s/u option, meansss... i do not need to prepare too much, as long as to make sure i could write something...

So, after my paper of free rad, which is the last paper for most of my fren, and they could smell the freedom after that... after this paper, i feel quite relieved!

Didn't sleep the day before the free rad paper, coz couldn't finish preparing it... but it didn't help me, my answers were juz blank for more than half of total question in the paper...

dumb~

same thing happened to my frenz, but they were happy, coz they graduated!

Went out for a nice dinner with Allen... wait him for cutting hair, and i almost fell asleep, coz remember? i didn't sleep for 1 night...and we shopped a while at jurong point, and he can't really tok much, i understand he hasn't get everything over...

i hope he can "recover" very very soon, but i'll giv him time, i'll always stand with him!

around 1opm something, we left, though many times of persuading, he still dun wan to go with me for a movie, never mind, i'll just let hm be wat he wanna be...

so, after he dropped at clementi, i went alone to city hall to meet kunyao and raofeng for movie... They were jialatz!!! Bcoz i waited them for about 20 minutes.. i'm so sleepy manz...

i'm wondering if i could juz not sleep for the movie..

they suggested me to have red bull... but i didn't

We enjoyed the movie... made a lot of jokes.. very very cold that kind.. you will never imagine how cold it could be...

Was suggesting to have ktv after movie... forgot by who... and we went for it... We sang from 2am to 6am... very very happening

happening song for kunyao is tian1 yi1 wu2 feng4

happening song for raofeng is zhong1 guo2 ren2..

happening song for me is...??

I'm brain dead after the ktv sessions... I had been not sleeping for 2 days...

Went breakfast with allen... and after a nice bath, i slept... slept from 9am till 11pm... I was shocked when i woke up, i dunno what is the date, what is time.. and i spent quite somet imes, to clear my mind that today is wat day, wat time, and wat date..

and i still have another 1 paper on tues...

Allen went back to KL again.. for his grandmum's tou2 qi1...

I knew he won't feel good...

Juz let me know whenever u need me, i'll be with you whenever u need, i'll juz leave whenever u need to be alone, if u need a place to hide urself, juz come and look for me... me and my family will always listen to you... my house will always welcome you...

Condolence

2005-04-25T23:13:00.000+08:00

25/4 morning... She left him...

He told me, he wanted to go back last saturday, juz giv up the final... I stopped him, coz i think it's not tat serious.... Juz go back on Thurs

I ever feel unhappy as he wanna leave me w/o waiting me to finish my exam... I ever unhappy, jealous with her...

But i could nv know how serious she was...

and she left...

He cried while he received the news.

He wanted to go back immediately.. for a person, who closer than his parents to him....

His dad asked: what can you do?

He kept silence...

He asked me... "what can i do?"

i asked mysef... "what can i do?"

I know i'm guilty... as i stopped him...

He missed the chance to seeing her...

She was active during CNY, she was active last 2 months...

and now, she left...

He tried to hold his tears back...and I m always out of control..

i feel pain...

when his notes stopped at the same page after 1 hours that he tried his best to concentrate, to finish his studies...

when he lost his mind

when he slinkingly gav his tears a wipe...

and i feel pain...

HONOURS

2005-04-14T05:47:00.000+08:00

April is a terrible month for me.. Oopsss.. not for me, but for everyone of honours life sci student... em.. shall i say.. for everyone who is having their honours year?

My seniors told me, once u are qualified for studying honours year, means you are smart, means you would hv a tough year to go... a very very tough, super duper tough year to go... I didn't believe this before i am an honours student... For me, i was thinking "honours", is juz another 9 modules to study, and plus 1 more FYP...

But... know.. as a senior, i really would like to say... Honours in NUS, is really really tough! Not only for life sci student, at least what i c from my him, he just finished one research project and one design proj...especially the design proj, i ever saw him draw a lot a lot of "plants"... which i totally dunno wat he was drawing about... once a minor thing goes wrong, everything must change.. I ever saw none of chem eng stu smile for quite some times, same.. i ever saw none of my frenz from honours batch smile for a period, esp march!...

April, doesn't mean we can laugh, we can happy...could be more jialatz...

Today, he has finally submitted his design proj report.. After submitted his report, he gav me an sms... quite touched.. This is wat he always do for me every end of the semester.... This comes to be much more important, much more meaningful than he tells me " i love you" everyday...

He understands, and i myself sense the "dangerous" for myself, it's now my turn to v v jialatz... 18th final poster presentation, 20th thesis submission and assignment deadline, 22nd medical microb final, 26th tumor bio final, 29th free rad final, 3/5 chinese... i'm ready for none of them.. really none!

Thesis max length is 100.. i'm wondering if i could reach 50 pages?!

Wish me the best!

Last month of NUS undergraduate life

2005-03-30T02:02:00.000+08:00

Time flies...

Let me list down all the deadlines that impending over me

31/03/05 -- Master Application Deadlines (invaluable MCs, 100%)
31/03/05 -- Chinese Assignments (4MCs, but S/U option, ??%)
01/04/05 -- Tumor Essay (3MCs, 35%)
06/04/05 -- Microbiology Team Presentation (4MCs, 10%)
08/04/05 -- Tumor Group Presentation
15/04/05 -- Final Poster Presentation of FYP (16MCs)
18/04/05 -- Thesis Submission (16MCs)
20/04/05 -- Microbiology Writing Essay (4MCs, 20%)
22/04/05 -- Microbiology Paper (4MCs, 60%)
26/04/05 -- Tumor Biology Paper (3MCs, 55%)
29/04/05 -- Free Radical and Antioxidants Paper (4MCs, 80%)
03/05/05 -- Chinese Paper (S/U)...
-- GRADUATE!!

I'm not sure whether i could survive, and get works done within 3 weeks... No matter how, i'll still b trying ... Using my last mighty strength to fight for it...Last semester, dun let anything goes wrong...

Was having big fight during last weekend wif him. I'm too stressed...!! Anyway, we are back to normal.... Sorry DEAR, if u read this.. I know i'm very bad, and sufferring you a lot for the past few days.. Be bear wif me ok... I'll try my best to "control"... and not to think too much.. fight for my studies until my last breath, together wif u...

Honours year, really not a year for fun.. Esp for our batch, a transition batch, a batch of guinea-pig.. Taking 9 core modules, plus 2 UEs, and plus half year of FYP worth 16MCs... Really not that fun...

However, i found my happiness, i should say, the most meaningful year in my Uni life, i found my definition of "research", my real life in university, and i met a lot of new frenz.. Andrea, Lishan, Kunyao, Raofeng, Peiying, Eugene, Angie...All of them are so nice... We work hard together, we complain lecturer together, we make "cold" jokes together (which is really colddddd... we almost suspected that some of us coming from north pole.. ok.. i'm a polar bear, and Raofeng is ESKIMO...). Kunyao and i like to compare our frequency of skipping lesson...who is more statistical significant? I always say it's not me!, In fact, i'm not wat !!!... Especially the time in lab, though the food in sci canteen v bad, but eating wif ur lab mates, frenz in a small pantry... enjoy that very short time of rest, making jokes... I'll always remember it...

And.. bcoz of the project, i have lesser time to be wif him, to go shopping wif fren, and lesser chance to call back to talk to my mum. Anyway, no regret still!... It let me know who is my true fren, Lian Dee... and.... a lot others... They will sms me sometimes, or msn... they dun say much.. juz a word of "jiayou".. It's touched !!... It let me know what is the strong, true companionship between Allen and i.. No matter what happen btw us, no matter how big, how serious the fight between us, we finally will still back to normal!...and.. My family.. Their concern...

I'm not sure after this posting, when could i have time to update my blog again, maybe very soon, mayb after everything get done.. depends on my mood.. depends on my progress...

~gigi sakit~ (toothache)

2005-03-23T02:23:00.000+08:00

O...

Having very bad toothache.. coz my 4th wisdom tooth growing out.. it sufferring me a lot!!!!! The gum is swollen, my mouth can't close properly...

wanted to say sorry to my him...

Recently, i hv not much time to concern him, care abt his situation, his studies, his project, and his interview... If i was him, i'll be very angry.. I take his concern, his care as granted all the way while not considering his situation... I know he doesn't need my sorry, but still i need to say... And at the moment, i could remind myself to be more considerate...

Of course, i still wish he won't be juz "ignore" that i'm actually still ALIVE, so... juz dun ignore when i sms him.. ok?.. hee hee..

Recently, i feel like seeking doc, to get some anti-depressant drug? having very serious mood swing, depressed, worried and nervous wif my lab works, studies..... Still, i do not know how far, and how good i could do for my research.. everything doesn't come out with wat i expected... I didn't blame at others, though i know ppl will say tat's "somebody"'s fault, but seriously i dun think so...

Yea, i do not know how good i could do for my research, feel very bad when dr.zhu trust on me, and paid me in advanced for the conference in china... yet, i didn't do much for him... not for him, for myself, my thesis, my assignments.. all make me so depressed.. and worried!!

Anyone could actually help me? Anyone is actually supporting me?

~Warmth~

2005-03-23T01:26:00.000+08:00

Life ..

is filled wif the lab works and deadlinesssss of assignments...

This happens to my him too, except lab works, but for him, it's DP... DP=Design Project

Actually, i should understand his situation... erm.. i conclude this as common problem for all gals... When their bf r bc wif their homework, they intend to angry to their bf bcoz of "no time for gf".. even though we know and understand their situation...

Did a very bad thing to him, and he asked if i could giv him another 2 months.. I didn't answer, bcoz was trying so so so hard to hold back my tears... and the answer is definitely YES.

Sorry dear...

Enjoying so much this evening with WH and Xinkitty! Though xinkitty having some lab prob lately.. However, i think we would help her as much as we could.. since none of us wishes to see the worst situation...After reading WH's blog, suddenly feel a bit sad... She gonna to finish everything by end of this week, means i gonna to miss a good companion in lab... Argh... Suddenly feel damn lonely...

XXX ever asked me, but actually not only him... Do i really think twice to continue my master under Dr.Zhu? This question ever affected me.. Definitely, there are considerations for leaving, there are considerations for staying...For Leaving, i dun wish to say much... Since i know, the one who reading this blog, i think he/she will know too... For staying... a lot too... Mayb i'm a bit bias.. however, after trying so many times to get a balance in between leaving and staying.. I still decided to stay.. though i'm not sure if i truely can go for master, but i know.. i would give myself a trial... Support me ya.. for those who reading this blog...

I told Dr.Zhu that i m super super super, worried if i couldn't really "produce" a good thesis.. and i told him i do need to finish my lab earlier.. He didn't comment much on the later part.. but he is truely my motivation and he is so encouraging !!!.. he said

YOU CAN DO WELL IN YOUR THESIS, I ALWAYS BELIEVE YOU CAN DO WELL...

He might be telling others the same thing... but personally, i need a people who trust me, so i could work wif him without any doubts, worries...

Mum called me while i'm doing my lab work in the half way (around 8), i told her i would call her back after 10 minutes.. But i forgot !!!!!!!!!!!!... and i called her at around 10 plus... I called her back, i said "mum sorry..."... she told me.. "why to say sorry, i understand, and nv say sorry to ur mum".. I'm touched, i'm really really touched lo...!! I tot she is unfeeling well again, so i asked y she call me, anything wrong? she said, my sister nv buy any calling card last few weeks.. Today finally, she bought it.. and she feel like calling me immediately.. I'm touched again..! again.. trying very hard to hold my tears back!

Mum.. I .. LOVE... U !

2005-03-15T15:12:00.000+08:00

Dolphin, LS, WH @ ·ò×ÓÃí... Really deserve for a nice vacation, for a nice trip!!! i wanted to go Shanghai again...or anywhere else will do!!!!

Congrats Dear...

2005-03-14T23:40:00.000+08:00

Today is his good day~

He got the confirmation of his application for XXX (CONFIDENTIAL)... Which i really feel proud of him... Though he didn't really expect that he could be accepted, since he has said something "wrong" during interview... Well... He got it!!!... and This news has enlighten his day, even his future!

I went to look for his research project poster presentation... Though he was saying his poster wasn't look that nice.. But i think it's good.. Better than XX... Mayb i'm bias... His efforts wasn't wasted!... He is confirmed by his Prof... to be nominated for .... XXXXXXX (CONFIDENTIAL AGAIN)... asking me y so many confidential?...Simple, i doesn't wan to release anything about him without his permission.. hee hee..

I feel damn proud of him...

Well.. I do not know why.... Since Sunday night, i have been totally losing my momentum to do my stuff... during the time i know i couldn't slack at all!! There are so many things that i'll need to settle... master programme application, free rad presentation, microb presentation and individual reports, tumor bio essays, chinese essays, my thesis of FYP, 2nd poster coming very very soon.. a lot a lot...I feel comfortable when talking wif my buddies, like... telling how bad my experiment is, y i will lack momentum of doing anything... Ppl asking me to go out ... breath some fresh air..

Yes, i'm still proud with his achievement, but yet... I feel like i'm a bit farer from him.. Dunno how to describe that kind of feeling... My modules preparation was damn bad, i can say, i nv prepare for it... No matter how hard i'm trying to work on my proj, my results doesn't seem to be tat good.. and my ability of working, in terms of working capacity, limit of working hours... i know i couldn't beyond than him.. And how could i expect much from my proj? In fact, i'm always expecting a lot... I have nothing to tell that i can pull my CAP up! and nobody will know more than me, how impt the CAP is for me now...

I'm so uncertain for my future!....

When could my future be more "stabilized"?

Anyway... He giv me a direction... From his achievement, i learned that ... as long as you put in efforts, you definitely will achieve your target!!... Therefore, i wanna work hard!...work hard for my master application... Not only i myself wish to be accepted by master application, my family, my him... All of them wish me to make it!.. I'll work hard... I'll really work hard !!

Dear, you are getting more and more stabilized for your next 2 years, so, wait for me.. I'm COMING !!!

White Valentines' day ~ 2005

2005-03-14T01:02:00.000+08:00

This is what for Beloved...

▉▉▉╱◢▉◣◢▉◣◥◣╱◢◤╱╱╱╱╱╱╱　　
╱▉╱╱▉╱◥◤╱▉╱◥▉◤╱◢▉◣╱▉╱▉　　
╱▉╱╱◥◣╱╱◢◤╱╱▉╱╱▉╱▉╱▉╱▉　　
╱▉╱╱╱◥◣◢◤╱╱╱▉╱╱▉╱▉╱▉╱▉　　
▉▉▉╱╱╱◥◤╱╱╱╱▉╱╱◥▉◤╱◥▉◤

Lian Dee sent this to dolphin, she told dolphin that tomorrow is white valentines' day... Though Dolphin knows they r not celeberating for it, coz they even do not know tmr is valentines' day!!! (Hee hee...)... Dolphin won't feel like sad for not celebrating... But Dolphin still wish to tell Dolphine's beloved that what she feels... That's y Dolphin insisted to ask beloved to online... Just wanted to show him the above 3 words...

Dolphin understands that he is stressed... Dolphin will forgive him, and give him time to finish what he needs to complete... Jiayou dear... :)

~U & ME~

2005-03-07T01:17:00.000+08:00

I miss the crab, because i deserve for a nice vacation! ZJ said would like to invite to go to shanghai again... I looking forward to it... !

Today is another bad day for me and my him. His grandmum sick. Will be having an operation tomorrow. This operation is a must. Though i dun really close with his grandmum. But i feel sad too... kinda really really really sad...

I'll need to remind myself always and always..my role in his life... He is going to have so much challenges, research project poster presentation, HRM projects, Individual Design project, design project report, master application interview, interview for job.... so many so many... and the worst, his grandmum's health problem...

Dolphin, you must always stand wif allen, trust him, give him support, love him, be more considerate ... and Dolphin believes that this is juz another challenge for both of them, they have been going through so many challenges, and they won't be striked down by this...

Dolphin and beloved Allen... Jiayou~~~

2005-03-06T03:19:00.000+08:00

I miss da4 zha2 xie4... WH, LS and I had our nice da zha xie @ Shanghai... It's really nice... and we had fun of having eat.. Can imagine? China ppl use about 5 minutes to finish 1 crab, but we used about 1 and half hour...

~time flies~

2005-03-06T02:47:00.000+08:00

I'm 23 years old!.. Am i still young? Do i still have a lot of time to spend with?

Tonight, i went to Tiong Bahru to have dinner and shopping with Allen.. We saw a mini electrical cooker, very cute.. I like it so much.. And he said we would buy it home when we move out.. :)

Snake Ming is here... Stay in singapore for few days then will go off to Japan, to continue his life at there... He didn't change at all!!! still the same!!!

Last night, i was talking wif shanshan and Lynn though msn, i didn't talk much wif them, since i have another impt thing to deal wif... My fren is having some problem wif his gf, and i really wish that i could help them a bit! But still i know what shanshan and lynn were gossiping!.. Lynn is looking for a handsome, rich man.. to marry with... Shanshan is currently so sweet, and so happy wif her bf.. I'm glad to hear that finally she found a guy which she could rely with. I'm really glad to hear that!

Went yamcha with Snake Ming and Allen... We talked a lot about our ex-classmates... Shockingly, Ouyang get married and give birth to a baby oredi, lala oso get married oredi!!!... Some others buddies.. They r all earning a lot of $$$$$... Kaijun is currently an assistant lecturer in arts college, Ahpang has a beutiful gf, Mingwei earning >4K, wentian is a head of arts dept in a company... ...

...

All of them start to build up their own life, their career, even their family...

What about me? still studying, not holding any cerfiticate, even not for undergraduate!... Suddenly, i would feel that.. should i go for master programme, PHD programme?? Should i go for working earlier? Am i wasting too much time on nonsense? When would i have my own career, my really true career, and when would i start to build up my own future??

I talked to Allen about this.. He said, we r building.. Yea.. Maybe we are building, juz another way of building.. Mayb we r slower, but it doesn't mean we would not have it... We would have, juz giv us a bit more time for it...

He said so, and i believe.. and i will be die die hardworking for my future, for our future.. :)

2005-03-05T20:59:00.000+08:00

ZJ was left out in the previous photo...

2005-03-05T20:57:00.000+08:00

We were celebrating Feb Babies' Bday ~ PeiYing, WanHui and Grace... It's simple, w/o much surprise, but really happy, and hv fun!

BIG Sale ~ day wif full of FOOL!

2005-03-01T17:19:00.000+08:00

Yesterday...28/2... Yesterday is not my day...

As usual, i went to lab after my lessons. Since i couldn't standard my GAPDH after many times of PCR, i decided to measure RNA concentration using spectrophotometer. I went down to Level 1 to get some ice.. It's a smelly environment, all the animals were moved to outside since animal house is currently having renovation. I got out immediately after i get my ice. 2 technician stopped my way, and they asked for password for accessing level 1. They explained to me that they are technician for the renovation and repairing the air-con. Without much consideration, i gave them the passwords. I felt quite happy since i helped someone. However, this didn't last long. Another technician from NUS stopped my way AGAIN! Without knowing anything, i was scolded badly. How could i give the password to outsiders, and i was told that Prof Philip Moore had been released a letter, that we couldn't expose the password the others, else, that person will be fired!... He told me a lot of things would happens once this password is exposed. Animals will be stolen, animals will be abused, computer, instruments will be stolen... !! I was so scared at that time...

I went back to lab, and i called Allen.. Allen told me, i should let Dr.Zhu knows since this is really serious. However, Dr.Zhu was not in office. I told kalai, and i was really stressed! and i cried... She gave me Dr.Zhu's hp number, and i called immediately... He told me he would got back at 5pm. I tried to settle down myself, and i start doing my own lab works. At 3 plus, he got back, and he came to lab, and told me dun worry... He has informed safety dept, and safety dept said the password can be changed easily.. So.. Dun worry!

I dunno how to tell that how much i appreciate to Dr.Zhu...

I'm not sure whether this thing has been settled down, and whether i m in "safety" situation.

This is one SALE.

In the evening, I went to look for Dr.Zakaria to give him the form of referee.. But he sick.. So, Again, i couldn't reach him yet! On the way back to my lab, i saw a guy who previously helped me to fix the notice board in my room. He is currently working in pharmacology dept for the renovation. And i said "hi", he oso acted like still remember me, and ask me for my hp number. I dunno what i was thinking at that time, i juz gav him straight away... In the end, i juz realized that he actually dun remember me... At around 8plus, he called me.. Argh.. i know i met trouble again!

This is another SALE...

Yesterday is not my day.. Really.. really not!

Life with CHALLENGE

2005-02-27T03:15:00.000+08:00

I have been not updating my blog for another week!

Last week, it is my term break actually, and i didn't seem to be freerer though. Spending most of the time in lab, gene expression and staining, gene expression and staining! Well, like what most of the people would say, gene expression is nothing much, once u could isolate out RNA, what you will need to do is, mix your samples with PCR reagents, and throw the tubes into PCR machine, run gel, then analyse results... Not many ppl was using the PCR machine, and so i had chance to run my PCR "xiongly". and i got my results. Except AT2 this hostile guy... The band of the PCR products are quite okay! AT2, hmph!! It's so low in expression, and the only thing i could do is increase the PCR cycle, to 41 cycles. Sometimes, it still didn't wan to appear, sometimes, it appeared shily, and sometimes, it appeared with other fellows, non-specific amplification !!!! Arghhhh.. Headache!! Only data of Bcl-xS from each treatment groups are statistically significant different to vehicle.. And this not happens to other genes, except Fas or Bax (i can't remember) from Braintone group is statistically significant different to vehicle! Okay!, i bear for it.. and i'll run for few more times!

Staining!! I have been trying for sooooooo many times, and yet, i still couldn't get any positive results.. And i tried to find out more information about immunohistochemical staining. ZJ was trying to console me, said that it might be the problem with quality of Ab. and ... I discussed with Andrea.. and we guess... could it be the problem with hydrogen peroxide? Anyway, i dun put the blame to others 1st,but to me first! And i'd tried to be more careful... I will go with ZJ to view my last batch of slides... I really hope that i could get positive staining!!!

*Praying*

Kunyao is moving in to OKR tomorrow! Yippy !!.. I would have another fren to stay in same hall as me.. Next time, perhaps, we could go back to hall if we finished our lab at night! and i wouldn't worry so much to walk back alone at night!

I got Dr.Zhu as one of my referee for master application. I'm still thinking if i should let him know clearly that so far, what i was thinking is.. juz master... i never think of that far, what PHD, post-doctorial... and i think i should discuss with him on Monday... I never think, but i am not sure if i want to study so far if the chance is given to me. I really couldn't decide right now. Since, i have no confidence even for master application.

I know Allen was quite worrired about his future, too. Whoever will worry, i think, when everyone is at the junction of his life, like our situation. He tries on job application, master application, PHD application... everything! Anyway, i would support and agree with all his decisions. Tonight, he told me that he knows that i'm supporting him, but he feels somehow, i am withholding all the supports that i can give, and he knows that i'm so reluctant if he really wish to go overseas.. I was quite guilty to make him feel so.. but I think i am!

I understand what he is thinking. And whatever he wishes me to do, it doesn't affect my future, yet, it helps me. I do not know if i could really make it, and i do not know if we could really work out... Anyway, i believe that both of us will try our best to achieve our dreams. Loving him, i should use the way that he can feel, like what he is doing for me. I ever angry with him, unhappy with him, and trying my best to let him know that how nice i'm treating him, but i really forgot to consider his feeling instead. Like Kunyao said, dun sweat over the tiny things. Yea.. I should... I thought that he never include me in his plan... i realized that i'm wrong instead. Like what happens to his grandmum.. His grandmum sick, and he still seldom call back to his home, and i know he is actually worried about his grandmum...

Love doesn't need to be expressed, but it needs sincerity, consideration, believe, support...

一首簡單的歌曲：
王力宏詞：王力宏/陳鎮川編：吳慶隆
這世界很複雜混淆我想說的話
我不懂太複雜的文法
什麼樣的禮物能夠永遠記得住
讓幸福別走得太倉促
雲和天蝶和花從來不需要說話
斷不了依然日夜牽掛
唱情歌說情話只想讓你聽清楚
我愛你是唯一的傾訴

我一直在思考讓你瞭解我的好
卻忘了常常對你微笑
失去的忘記的我會盡力去彌補
你是我最珍貴的財富

寫一首簡單的歌讓你的心情快樂
愛情就像一條河難免會碰到波折
這一首簡單的歌並沒有什麼獨特
好像我那麼的平凡卻又深刻

Happy Valentine's Day ~ 2005

2005-02-15T02:25:00.000+08:00

I had no idea you are easy to talk to,

I never imagined that our early conversations would grow into such a strong friendship,

I never knew that we'd discover many common interest and values,

...

I could never enjoy simple pleasures as much as when shared with you,

I never thought we'd have so many warm and happy times together,

I never thought your support could make such a big difference in my life,

...

I never imagined dthat i would grow to want, to need and to love you so much,

...

When you first came into my life,

I never dreamed you'd soon be someone whom I couldn't live without.

YOU are Everything to ME

That's written in the card that i gave to Allen for our 5th Valentine's day. Since the 1st valentine, both of us are not taking too important for this season. We think 30th of October, every year, come to be much more important to us.

He has a test at night of valentine's day, and he gotta submit a report for his design project on coming wednesday. I never expect that we would go out to celebrate it... and so, i dated my second darling, lian dee to go dinner wif me. However, i under-estimate my lab works. I couldn't finish on time, and therefore, i missed the dinner with her.

When he finished his group discussion, he brought me to Holland Village for dinner. Along the way, he kept noticing at the stall selling flowers, and i was juz kept shouting that "dun buy". Of course, if he buy, i'll definitely happy, butttt... It's sooo much expensive that i'll rather ask him to treat me a nice dinner?...He walked in an Italian Restaurant. However, i missed the chances of trying it because it has been fully occupied by couples! Since we were too late, most of the shops about to close. Nevermind... we still hv...

Crystal Jade...

Before leaving, i went to 7-11 to get some food stuff to top up my fridge... haha... and he disappeared! When he reappear in front of me.. He was with a nice, beautiful bouquet of flowers!... I was so touched...

excepted touching in my heart, $$$ appeared in my heart too!! hee...

No matter how, this is a nice, sweet, simple valentine celebration for me... Unusually special valentines' day for me... i know why it's special...

Thanks Allen with 112196...

and...

191216...

~treasure~

2005-02-12T19:11:00.000+08:00

Again, i said i found my happiness. I do not know how long it could be lasted, but ... I'll try my best not to be pessimistic, and not to complain so much...

Cheersss...

I hope i am one step further of knowing Allen after our big battle at last weekend... He is such a rational person, and he knows what he should focus at the moment, but i'm not. I always get lost with my destination though i know which is so so important for me currently. Are we "key and lock"? I hope we are.. Lishan asked me whether i think he is there for me. I said YES. Though i couldn't say what will happen in the future, nobody can predict it...

Was sufferring from my first poster presentation. MENTALLY and PHYSICALLY. As what they said, i'm a spider, so i called myself as SPIDER DOLPHIN. What's that ??! That's dolphin with 8 legs. When something happens, dolphin always needs to be so nervous to wear shoes. Yea... I'm super kancheong , nervous type of people. I printed my poster the day before my presentation. However, i realized my stupid mistake at last minutes. Stupid title: Comparison of TCM with western drug in stroke model: braintone with losartan; ginkgo with ramipril. Actual title: Therapeutic Effects of Cerebral Protection in Stroked Rats: A Comparison Study Using Herbal Extracts and Western Drug. Just because of the title, i took whole night, and i finally decided to reprint the poster which costed me $30. I never think of claiming both poster from Dr.Zhu. After all, that's my fault!... As what allen and mavis said, it's actually a minor prob, which i can explain verbally. However, they never know how long that i have been spent for this poster. And i know i won't be happy if i dun change it...

Finally, it's over.

Actually was quite happy for that. first, i could temporarily be released for my CNY, temporarily stop thinking the loophole of my project. Somemore, Prof Benny asked for my poster. Like what Dr.Zhu said, he is interested in doing stroke as well. I hope my poster will b useful for him. and at least, i'm not that severely criticized by both of my examiners which really give me such a great momentum to work on it!

After my presentation, i had great shoppings with Allen and Jiayi. Went out wif Allen first on last saturday and we bought some new year clothes. However, i couldn't get the pair of shoes which i dreamt for it every night. I forced Jiayi to go out with me in the next day. Actually, i wanted to pass the bday present to Jiayi also. That's y no matter how, i wanted her to go out wif me. So, i could pass her the present, and also i have a companion to shop again for my new year shoes! I had also a great fun at Dr.Zhu's house with my lab mates. His daughters are so pretty. Some gals are hardworking, cooperate, so they prepared for food. While, Lishan, Andrea, Evelyn and some other lazy gals (plus me), were juz sitting aside, waiting for food.

Finally, i saw my family on Monday night. Mummy was having quite a severe toothache. No matter how much we advice her to seek for a dentist, she were just sitting aside and never bother with what we were saying about! I hope my brother could really persuade her. It was quite a bad luck, my brother lost his handphone on CNY eve when he was fetching us to collect my mum's new IC. Well, i consoled him that just let the old stuff going off while new things coming for the new year... We were trying to look for another new handphone for him. However, whichever model of handphone that he pointed at, it cost thousands, and i know he is trying to tease us because we said we gonna support him to buy a new hp. He couldn't make a decision of which model he gonna buy. And i'm now got back to Singapore, i'm not sure if he has bought a new hp?!We had a special reunion dinner. For the past few years, Mummy cooked for all the dishes though she always said "next year, i dun wan to cook anymore". Before i got back to my home, i told Allen that i guess this year, my mum will still cook the all the dishes. However, i was wrong. We ordered from restaurant. Omphhh... I prefered mum's dishes! The time CNY was about fallen, i was forced by my sister... to .. to ...

play the fireworks !!!! and.... it is... *ILLEGAL*

I insisited not to go with her!!!!She went off alone... And my mum feel SYMPATHY to her, so, she went to play with my sister with thousands of "unwillingness"... haha... My SYMPATHY falled on my mum, and i went out of my house also.. to join them... 3 stupid women played fireworks... That was quite a funny scenario. But i thank my sister to give me such a memorable moment!Though there were a lot of planning, Melacca? Penang? Ipoh? Genting Highland?... bla bla bla... We didn't go to anywhere on day 1 and day 2 of CNY. But... we went to watch a movie...SHAO4 LIN2 JIANG1 SHI1Another stupid scenario. My family 5 people, and the whole cinema filled with only 10 people. We are about the 50% of the population... Before the show started, i can imagize how nice the show would be! After the show, my sister had a long long nap. She told me she was hypnotized by the show! Yucksss... You can imagize then...

What a short vacation, i got back to Singapore at midnight of day 2 of CNY. Pretty sad! And i'm super duper tired for the long travelling, especially when i'm always having backache problem. (Ohya, i got a medical letter from doc, so i got to change a thicker mattress. Yeaaa!!)I thought everything will be so happy no matter it's stupid or... However, a bad, sad news ended my short vacation. Weiguang, same age as me... he was quite on in AMCISA, he left us on Monday. How short the life could be... How fast the thing could be... He got the offer of teaching award last year, but he failed the medical check up, which told him to have lung cancer. I couldn't imagize how sad his parents will be. Waiting for 22 years, waitingi their son to become a useful person. He got the award, and it's the time when he is to feedback on his parents. But, God gave him a fool... I hope he will be happy in another world. I hope his family will let everything go by the time it shd go... and really...

Treasure your life;

Treasure your family;

Treasure your frenz...

everything...

Joy...?

2005-01-28T23:12:00.000+08:00

What is joy? I promised myself to live happily and so the title of my blog is. I'm not sure whether it's my problem or ... I couldn't find the happiness, and yet i'm stressed, tired, disappointed, desperate with everything that is surrounding me. Am i too tight with my project, studies? or...

My project, though it's common to have negative result for the first trial of immunohistochemical staining, it strikes on me heavily, and really i could understand how Andrea felt during the time she was doing project alone. I felt guilty that i didn't help her at the time which was toughest for her. She is kind, nice gal, and she keeps telling me that i must inform her to come to lab and help me while i feel like i need. However, whenever i could settle the prob myself, i dun feel like asking her to come. First, i understand her situation of taking 5 core modules; 2nd, i understand that most of the people dun like to come back while they are really "released" from the JAIL. Anyway, she has helped me a lot with her poster, guiding, comments, thesis... I'm blessed to have it.

I might not be that hardworking, so my process is damn slow? Though people always tell me that lab work is like that, you can't really ask for result when you are just at the beginning... But i dun think i'm still at beginning.. I have been there fore more than half year, by right, i should know quite a lot of thing... but my performance juz completely shows that how "naive" i am ! Just finish my first trial of IHC, still standardizing the GADPH, optimizing the PCR conditions...

I'm out of balance again with the companionship between Allen and i. I should really understand his situation and i should be the one who most understand since i have been together with him for almost 4 years of university life. However, i just couldn't get used with the current life. and i couldn't find out the position of me in his life...

I believe i can make it... I juz DO

2005-01-28T01:19:00.000+08:00

I used two days to finish my first trial on immunohistochemical staining... and i realized getting more and more people that are doing immunohistochemical staining for their projects. Most probably, i'll be the one who teaches them how to do it... I'm happy to discuss with them, coz i could revise on my own stuff...but It'll be trouble if it drags my process...

I do not have any positive results of IHC for my 1st batch of samples. I guess... My primary antibody incubation wasn't that long and the most serious problem was.. the DAB solution reacted too fastly that stupid me was still let it incubate for 10 minutes... It ended up with a strong background staining... *bad*

My PCR? I have shown my only standard curve from Fas to Dr.Zhu... Though it was not that "optimal", he said good and advice me to have more confidence to myself. Now, i'm narrowing the range of cycle... to get the best cycle of PCR for each gene. While for standardization of GADPH... well..I'm still trying...

I think Dr.Zhu feels that i lack confidence. He is very encouraging. When we were joking, he likes to say i'm expert of something... And he will always add another sentences that "you should have confidence!!!"... He is great!

This afternoon, i had lunch with andrea, raofeng, and kunyao. We had been not sitting down together for such a long time... Juz because of our project and modules... Again, we talked about Prof Hong.. He was really a funny guy... and we made a lot of jokes, which allow us to temporarily forgot about our bad experimental results.. We all are waiting for a brighter day of our project...haha..I believe that we will go for it, and i believe we can go for it, i just do believe!

Allen has been starting to look for some jobs.. He reminds me that I shall think about it for myself as well... He applied for master programme also, but should i? Am i really the suitable person in Dr.Zhu's lab? Well, again.. I believe both of us, our future is getting brighter though there are so much of obstacles, and either working or studying, we could make it through together, i believe, and i juz do believe!

My baby weighed <1 microliter

2005-01-19T02:00:00.000+08:00

Have been suffering from a serious backache since sunday midnight when i was sleeping... Allen bought a package of heating plaster for me to paste on my pain site, well..the plaster is not that heat that i feel it's still tolerable...

I found an excuse to change a thicker mattress, rather than my lousy spongy-type mattress... my BACKACHE !... I called to hall office, and as what i expected, they wanted me to show medical report. I went to YIH, to seek for a doc for my backache, and perhaps ask the doc to write a medical report for me??!... It turned out to be a nightmare... and i was scolded till i felt myself damn stupid.. I went there at 11am ++.. but it was oredi 1230 while it's my turn, and i was scolded because i delayed their lunch time... of course, that stupid doc didn't give me a medical report, and i juz got some paracetamol which i have in my room for my backache...

Finally, i could really isolate out my RNA !!! Though they are just test samples, I was so excited when i saw my baby (RNA) is there for me!!!.. And i could run PCR tomorrow.. by trying out different temperature, different cycle.. My next target will be the standard curve of PCR products.. !! Go go go... It's tough, it's tiring, it's disgusting.. but it's super duper excited, when you are able to get something when you put your heart, your energy, your brain.. whatever you have on it !!!... Erm.. Shouldn't be that happy yet, it's still at preliminary stage... I should expect many many other things coming up to stop my progress! Anyway, i will still go for my goal!

保佑

2005-01-16T03:32:00.000+08:00

School reopened!

This is my last semester in NUS. I feel a bit stressed with everything that i'm doing... especially my FYP. Dr.Zhu has paid me so much, brought me for a nice international conference at china, spending his time on my project, offering me whatever that i want... It's my turn to pay him back! I might not get used with the life in school, mixture of lessonssss and labssss... And i was exhausted... I was told to teach 2 UROPS students in our lab for immunohistochemical staining. I'm not sure if i'll be a good teacher, i'll try...

Finally i've decided to drop neurobiology instead of medical microbiology. Neurobiology is my favourite, but it's tough! Medical microbiology is not my cup of tea, but it seems like manageable. I hope i could do better in this semester, rather than just got an average B+ for each module, that was quite a unacceptable results while i'm aiming to participate in graduate studies!

今晚，跟小成在msn聊天，说到了他的表弟。。。这让我想起了哥哥。也许，很多人在生病的时候都是很消沉的。哥哥掉下他的眼泪，当电视剧播放着病重的人。。。我知道他的心情根本都不好受。而我身为妹妹的，我也不知道该做些什么，我只知道，我是不可以在他的面前哭！因为他在我们面前，永远都是那么坚强。也许，他不想让妈妈担心吧。。。当他知道他可能会生病的时候，他没有时间去处理自己的情绪，理智的叫我去处理保险，还有给他知道我还需要多少钱去读书。。。他的心里都是我们！虽然今天哥哥还是健健康康的，我的心情不曾放心过。而今晚，我就一度跌入谷底。。。

还来不及收拾心情，世海来我房间，告诉我另外一个令我不知道该说什么才好的事。他的中学同班同学，患有癌症。切除了一支脚，怎么知道癌细胞还是扩散了！去年，他的朋友，一个因为车祸走了，一个因为感情受到创伤也选择了离开。我突然发现，生命是多么脆弱的！当他在告诉我这么多故事的当儿，我顾不了他的情绪，我多么害怕身边的人有一天也会离开我。我假故镇定，说，能够怎样，癌症就是没有办法预料的！说的一点都不在乎。。。心中已经是那么自私，我没有时间理会别人的事情，此时此刻，我害怕的，担心的，是我身边的人。。。

慈悲的上帝，请你眷顾你赐福的人！

要努力开心

2005-01-04T01:39:00.000+08:00

这几天不知道怎么回事，心里一直都不是很快乐，感觉有什么东西被压抑着。。。他说，每一次到开学的季节，我都会这样。。天气渐渐转凉，我觉得好冷好冷，老是躲在被窝里，啊！。。是多么幸福啊！不知道那些灾民怎么样了，他们睡得好吗？他们吃得饱吗？我们不是不只是吃得饱，还会想待会儿宵夜吃什么，不然就，为了减肥而不吃。。。海啸来袭，强烈见证出我们是多么幸福，幸运！

刚刚又跟他因为一些有的没的吵了一架，他也因为急坏了，把手上的水打翻了。。我知道他很生气。一切的一切，都是那么无谓！他其实很常跟我说对不起，可是不知道为什么的，每每从我口中出来的他，都是那么得令人讨厌！虽然他伤害过我，我知道我也不见得没伤过他，而且，可能是很伤很伤。。。他不会来看我的blog，虽然他知道我有写。。。他就是这种不烂漫的人~

还是没有那股动力去做好我的research project. 也因为这样，对自己想读硕士学位有一点点打退堂鼓。我怀疑自己是不是读硕士的料。我跟他说过了，也希望他尊重我的意见。他没有说什么，只是说，他希望我也为他做一件事。是为了他，还是我呢？

Tsunami -- Devastating !

2005-01-03T02:42:00.000+08:00

What a devastating disaster!

Mavis told me she was at Phuket while tsunami was "eating" the phuket! Luckily, she was far away from the beach! Phewwww... How lucky that we are not in the disaster area. Feel really really down these few days, because of this disaster? i'm not sure... But i'm really down... I cried whenever i watched the news of tsunami... I think i couldn't forget it forever... A mum said, when tsunami came, she embraced her 2 sons tightly, but the tsunami was too strong that her energy was gradually used up... With sadness, she was forced to let her eldest son to go...Luckily, all of them are safe finally. When she was saying the scenario with tears, her eldest son was just standing beside her. He is just 5 year-old, and he knew what his mum was talking about. He were crying and looking at her mum... I really do not know how to describe the sadness, and disappointment... And i do really hope that he will understand his mum was so unwilling to let him go... I believe he will understand...

Due to the flatscreen, Allen and i have not much money for donation. Yesterday, we went out for dinner. At mrt station, i saw him donate some $. Though it's not much, but it touched me a lot! I'm really blessed that all of my family, friends are safe...

Blessed

2005-01-02T01:49:00.000+08:00

Finally, i didn't able to repair my laptop LCD. If i wanted to change the LCD, i gotta spend about $800 for it. It's really not worth since my laptop is a old laptop... Allen gave me a clever idea, clever as in i never think about it, He suggested me to buy a flatscreen, so that i could externally plug it to my laptop, and i dun need to use my laptop's LCD... He helped me to chose a nice flatscreen. Of course, he gotta pay for me first. Though i have my new flatscreen, that night, i didn't feel really good. He said i should feel happy since that is really a nice flatscreen. But... How could i feel good... I was wondered that how come my fren's laptop is still in good condition but not for me, while we are using the same model of laptop. He answered that i might over-use the laptop, as in watching tv... That is quite a resonable answer!

When he paid for that flatscreen, he realized that i was unhappy! Not unhappy because he was teasing me at that time... At that time, many things came into my mind. Finally, my tears came out when we had our dinner with cheeseng after buying the flatscreen. My result was released on Xmas eve, and that was quite a lousy result which i shouldn't obtain by taking only 4 modules. I didn't do well for my studies, and previously, i didn't do well for the "job" of being a girlfriend, i didn't do well for the "job" of being a good daughter and sister, didn't do well for my lab works. At that time, i was told that my laptop is "untreatable" probably due to over-usage, watching tv... Oh dear... wat i have done for previous semester! How many problems that i would like to create to trouble my family and Allen...

My brother wanted to pay for me... I know he feels so heavy our whole family. I really dun wish to add up another burden for him. The night i told my mum, my brother promised without thinking too much. Allen promised me immediately when he knew i wish him to pay for me first. i hate myself that why dun i have any savings? and Suddenly, i know really... I'm soooo blissful!

I remember the day before i went to china, my mum called me and told me that bro has deposited another 100 bucks into my acc. When i back to my hometown last few weeks, i recalled the 100 bucks and asked how come my bro will deposit extra $ to me. I forgot if i said so, but my mum told me i said i might not hv enough $, so my bro will juz deposit whatever he had at tat time... that 100 bucks... is too much for me...

"you didn't do badly for your last semester... and i know i was bad for you last sem"... This is what Allen told me when i was crying for the all the regret. that might just a kind of consolation. However, it touched me! I'm blessed to have him being my boyfriend. Though we have gone through a period that both of us are struggling for this companionship, though we ever feel doubt whether we should continue to run our life together, we are standing out from the darkness. Now, what i feel is not only love, but the feeling of holding each other tightly, and the feeling of really really treasure... which he gives me.. is really really sweet...

I know i'm blessed to have all these...

Come back pls, Stephy!

2004-12-29T01:30:00.000+08:00

It seems like i have been neglecting my blog for such a long period. I'm back... anyway!!!

I had my simple, but really enjoyable X'mas seasons. My sister was here on 22nd. Though i waited for her at woodland MRT station for more than 1 and half hour, i was still so excited when she appeared in front from me. I brought her back to my room, and i hide her in my room, stay over night in my room, though i broke the rule. I thought i would suffer that night, cause i was gonna to sleep on the floor. I couldn't believe that my small single bed can allow both of us, 2 big-size gals to sleep together. Heh.. We made it! It's uncomfortable, but i dunno how to describe, sweet? I feel sweet to sleep with her. Had been not sleeping with her for such a long time... We went orchard, bugis, city hall...

We ate a lot, talked a lot. I brought her to take double decker, and she is so excited... We recalled many many silly funny things happened when i we were young, like... I was scared by her "horrible" long hair, my brother hide inside my sleeping room to scare me, my crying face on our family photoes, my brother kicked the doctor when he was doing injection...It's so sweet.. and again i was reminded that, nothing can stop your family to giv you loveee... This is forever! We have gone through so much tough period....

X'mas eve wasn't that peaceful for me. My result was released on that day. I have expected that i will not get a good result since i never do well, perform well for the whole semester. When the result was there for me... and i know, Yeah, i didn't do well. My saddest, Advanced Immunology, is my poorest grade among all the modules. Why could it be like that? I have spent most of time on it... Is it really that 1 presentation can decide everything? Maybe tat is REC effect? I was down for some times though i clearly know that the outcome and how much u pay for will not be always balanced...Luckily, my CAP is maintained. Honestly, i'm not satisfied. I know a lot a lot a lot of people, trying their best to fulfill all i want when i was doing my exam. I know they gave me high expectation to do well. Not only for them, for myself, i should grab the chance to pull up my CAP, at least, jump out from the window of second upper. However, i was not able to make it. How about my graduate programme? I feel like i have really disappointed Dr.Zhu. He helped me so much, and ask me not to worry about CAP problem, I know he is trying to get done for me for the graduate studies. Thinking of how to reduce the risk that i might be kicked out from scholarship offering. He said i dun need to worry, just to do well to what i should do.. Am i? I dun think so... I feel like really really wan to try my best on my FYP, but i seem like not motivated... and the school is reopen soon... Time flies...!

Days with Labs, Worries...

2004-12-20T22:57:00.000+08:00

Last Tuesday, i started my lab works. That was quite a relaxing day, i juz went to lab for troubleshooting, ordering some reagents, antibodies that i need... By the time, i realized that I spent a lot of $... Merely primary Ab and secondary Ab, they cost about 2K. ImmEdge pen that is needed to encircle the sections, i tot it was just a simple pen, but it costs $170 !! Anyway, since Dr.Zhu said "go ahead".. and i juz ordered it without thinking that much. ha ha... But i know i need to work hard for it.

Next day, i tried on immunohistochemical staining. That was my 1st time and i just want to know what is going on, didn't expect to get any result. So, i used the diluted Ab the andrea left, even though it might not be the correct dilution. I couldn't really remember what i did, but just remember that i had been waiting for soooo long for each washing and incubation period, so many steps of washing that spent 5 minutes each, and the 2 hours of Ab incubation. I went back to my room at aroud 7pm. That was quite a boring day, but i'm happy that at least i tried on IHC. I stopped the IHC at the step of 2nd Ab incubation. Nothing much to do, just waiting, but it was so weird, my left hand was so itchy and starting to have some rashes, but not that serious. So i was not worried.

I carried on the rest of IHC on Thursday. I din spend much time to finish it. So, again, another relaxing day. But it wasn't a good day for me. I was so shocked when i checked my Ab, and noticed that my diluted, my only bottle of secondary Ab (left by andrea), was spilt out from the bottle coz the bottle wasn't closed tightly! Argh... I wasted the Ab, but i know wat went wrongly... When i finished my works, i realized my rashes getting more and more on my hands, even some on my legs.. I was shocked and wondering if i'm allergic to any reagents of IHC. Zhong Jing said, he never heard anyone allergic to that, if i'm really allergic to those reagents, i might be the first one in the Singapore! so called "idiosyncratic syndrome" ?? argh...

I went to YIH for doc... The 1st doc who diagnosed me dun dare to touch me, and she felt i was having chicken pox. I told her that i just had my 1st injection of chicken pox half year ago, and i did my booster injection just at 5th of December, i remember that coz i was doing my rebonding on the same day. Haha... The doc brought me to another doc's room, and that doc said, the rashes doesn't look like pox to her, but allergic or insect bite.. End up, they reminded me to do check up if i dun recover by monday. And they gave me antihistamine and antiseptic cream, both for allergy. And they stopped me from going to lab. Therefore, i was absent while my buddies were busy collecting the samples for my wistar rats, ramipril and gingko treatment.Till today, i still not totally recover from the rashes... Yuck! my hands look ugly!

Allen was having his presentation on Friday, to present what he has done for his IA to his section head and other engineers. He knew his boss put a really high expectation on him. I know he asked himself to do the best... However, he didn't do well, and he told me he was the worst. After these, some bad things falled on him again. He was quite upset and definitely, I felt really sad for him also. And i do not know what i can console. Like presentation, i myself dun like to have presentation, i dun dare to... I'll try to avoid all the possibilities to have presentation. Somehow i felt that English is really not my mother language.. I lack confidence speaking it. But he standing up fastly. I hope he is really okay!

My laptop crash again! The screen is keep flashing there... How? I hv no extra $ reparing it... Sigh...

He bought a swatch watch to me. What a co-incidence! That was totally the same as samantha's watch. That's a cute watch. He said for my Xmas present. He bought it when we went orchard, but i dunno when he bought it, the time when he said he needs to go to toilet? tat's my surprise. That night, he said he wanted to go back by MRT, but i insisted to take bus, coz i felt it's more convenient and faster! He said "okie lo"... And i dunno how, we took 143, but in opposite direction. We noticed it when we were at Toa Payoh!... I dunno how long i took the bus, but i reached room after 12 midnight. Tonight, he bought me another pants and skirts. He bought me so much, but i still do not know what i shd giv him for the Xmas present!

2004-12-16T01:04:00.001+08:00

Christmas is coming!!!!

2004-12-16T01:04:00.000+08:00

I cut my long hair, rebonded my hair @ KL, 5/12/04... I hope i won't damage my hair easily again!

2004-12-16T01:02:00.001+08:00

Allen and our best fren, Chee Seng @ West Mall.

2004-12-16T01:02:00.000+08:00

We went for dinner with Chee Seng @ West Mall. I forgot when it was...

Drawing drawing and drawing

2004-12-14T02:20:00.000+08:00

Few days of hard works, i hv finally finished drawing all the stupid tables. I juz drew, dunno what was that, qr, SDM, SNB, frm, tbl... All the unknown short forms, i juz typed, and i juz drew... Never think of trying to understand it, all i wish to get it done as soon as possible! 2 laptops on his table, i was drawing and tables, and he was typing the manual, all was juz for exxon mobil Network Leadership Team... Though we hv finally finished the part Allen should do, but i expected that this job will never end... and i expect he will come back with lotsa complains that his boss asks for more, additional settings. It's true... Though he complained, i know he will still be doing well for NLT.

Remember clearly, this is not the 1st time i help allen "drawing". I helped him draw (again dunno what stupid) chemical structure for his research project last semester. A layer of chemical (mostly benzene) is stacked by another layer of chemicals, layer by layer... This is what his project... I forgot how many layer that i drew. That isn't a fun job. However, i enjoy the time that we worked together, no matter wat we work for...

He brought me to Ikea for dinner. I think he wanted to thank me.. Haha..not sure... Anyway, i like it. I like SHOPPING! When i was in the ikea, i saw many many things, baby blue carpets, chair, baby pink bedsheet... sooo attracting! He was keep asking me which 1 i like...I know he will buy if i want...but... Erm.. All are expensive to me. I just say i dun wan anything... (though deep inside my heart keep saying "i want"). He was attracted by an armchair, $99... It is costly for me but i know he likes it a lot, and i just agree with him. I know he is happy!

Love...

2004-12-09T23:00:00.000+08:00

I got back from KL on Tues. Though it's just a really short "vacation" at my hometown... It was really really sweet! The time i reached Singapore, i was quite down, and i missed my home!

Last Thursday, i watched "secret garden II" with Allen throughout the night in his room. We finished the whole series in the morning, and we went for breakfast. After packing my luggage, double checking and double checking if i brought my passport, i was so so excited that i could meet up my sweet family less than 10 hours! When we reached JB, we planned to get bus tix directly from the building beside City Square. With my bad luck, all the air tix they selling, i'll need to get on the bus at Larkin by taking shuttle bus provided by the company. I was so scared, i really dun dare to take the shuttle bus alone with the preconception that JB IS A RISKY AREA !... Though he was very tired, he knew i'm scared and he accompanied me to Larkin finally... Of course, he went off by comfirming i have sat on the bus safely... He called me quite often when i was at home. My mum saw we are so close, she wished me to treasure, and she said she prays for me everyday, prays for this companionship... I was really touched... She talked to me about the prob that i faced, and she said no matter how, she just hope i'll happy and she is the one who always, not always, but forever, standing behind me... I returned to NUS myself. This is my 1st time to come back to NUS alone. Carrying such a heavy luggage, feel really pity. But i'm glad, at least, i get independent! It doesn't mean Allen dun care about me, but he was working and so cannot go to custom to fetch me. We had a nice dinner together after we met up.

Always always always get touched by my family. I remember my brother deposited extra $ to my account the night before i went to China. My mum said, is there anything asked from "singapore" will be rejected? Yea.. My brother will fulfill me whatever i want and whatever he could do. My mum, she cooked so many nice dishes which i really like to me. Though it's quite normal for all the great mummies in this world, it really shows you how your mum loves you. I dun really like my dad, he knew and he still came back to see me. I didn't talk to him, and he passed my mum $... I know he loves me, but...

Feel so slack to go back to Lab... I MUST GO BACK BY NEXT MONDAY! I'm trying to "settled down"... erm... like... start a bit bit readings, start from andrea's report... Again, i'll b back to the life with only brain, RNA, PCR, cryostat, immunohistochemical staining. I do wish to try on western blot.. I'm not sure whether it's within my capability. Shall ask Dr.Zhu first, the reagents for western blot might be expensive... Lishan and Wanhui will be doing stroke tmr and Saturday... Means, i will collect my samples by next fri and sat... I hope i could b steady!

Samantha got her job as a management trainee, finally! Congrats Sam! Erm...... i dun really know what is management trainee...Anyway, feel glad to her and no matter what the position, at least she is employed! and that could be her best birthday present, Xmas present, New year present!

Oh... Christmas is coming!!! I'm keep counting down for it! and I'm planning where to go...I downloaded some christmas songs today (oops, i heard it's illegal to download MP3)...Britney Spears' My Only Wish (This Year) is really a nice songs! Strongly recommended! My sister will be coming on 22nd and 23rd... HAHAHA! great great! Allen has cancelled the OT on christmas ( i hope he is not cheating me...)... So.. i can imaging that i can really enjoy myself thoughout the CHRISTMAS SEASON... *Jingle bells, Jingle bells...* I miss orchard road... I wanna take photo under the chritmas tree! I wan shopping, with great sales!.. Yuuhooo..

Home Sick

2004-12-03T02:41:00.000+08:00

Taufik is the 1st singapore idol... Though it's my expectation, i was still a bit sad for Syl... Really hope i can see him in mandarin music industry. Nvm, Syl will still be my idol!...I have planned to clean my super dirty room. Till now, i haven't started.. I am juz lazy!

Finally, Allen really couldn't go back with me. Honestly, i really wish to go back home. However, he said can i dun go back first, wait for him. This might be the 1st time that he asked for such request. I know he is quite frustrated with the recent NLT work. Boss is keep forcing him to finish by 10 Dec, linking the NLT to overseas branches! I'm very irritated! Not because he couldn't go back with me, but how come such a big project is juz fallen on an IA student!!!! I need to do my booster of chicken pox vaccine... I must go back and i can tell that my mum was quite unhappy if i dun go back... I know i'm bad, but i ask if i can go back still... He said ok... I feel really bad, during the exam period, he stayed for me, fulfilled me whatever i wan... When it's his turn, and my turn to fully support him, i'm leaving for my own happiness! He said really ok... my intial plan was going back on fri and come back on tues. and now i promised him that i'll be going back on Fri and come back on Sun... He took unpaid leave in the morning, so that he could accompany me to go JB Larkin... and he will go to custom to fetch me on Sun...

Everything isn't tat smooth! When everything is dealed, my mum said, nobody can go to fetch me if i reach earlier than 6pm on Fri, because everybody is working... BUT, i couldn't wait till 2pm at Larkin, that is such a dangerous place! and Allen couldn't wait till that late because he needs to return to his office in the afternoon... I insisted not to go back home from pudu by taking bus myself... That will be so so pity know... In the end... I can only be going back on Sat... the day that can suit everybody...

Really really miss my mum, my cool bro, and my 2 sis who are really talkative, oh.. also my warm houseeeee... The food at KL, BBQ chicken wings, satay, sarawak mees, laksa, Ramli burger, rojak... ~YUMMY~.. The shopping centers, KLCC, Mid Valley... miss the time to shop with mum at Tesco, Giant, Carrefour,... Yea Yea, the most i miss, my mum's dishes !! I know i couldn't go so many places, eat so many things within that short period... But i think the most i like to do is.. juz sit down and talk with my mum... That will be such a bad semester, i have so much thing to share with my mum, and i always believe she is the one who can always guild me correctly... And.. I'll sit in the sitting room, talk with my bro, my 2 sis... watching tv with them.. Though it might sound boring, for me.. It's much more meaningful than just merely shopping!

Mum, I'm coming back! I love you... Muakkkkk !!!

~InDepEnDenCe~

2004-12-01T17:30:00.000+08:00

Sigh... He called me, he said his boss didn't allow him to get the unpaid leave on Fri.. That means he couldn't accompany me to go back... Shall i go back myself? He said, let's make it to mid of Dec... But.. would this unpaid leave be rejected again? I'm really quite moody with this... Seems like, nothing he said he "sure sure do it for me", we could "sure sure" make it...

I'm not sure what his supervisor has told his big boss anything... He was scolded by his big boss (ah chun)... And ah chun wants him to submit his NLT project by 10 Dec, and that is the reason that he couldn't go back with me... I'm really really sad actually.. But wat i can do... Anyway, i feel really irritated! I feel Allen has put a lot of effort on NLT, but wat he get? negative feedback, forcing, scolding, losing freedom... As his gf, i think i shouldn't blame on him that he couldn't go back with me, but really need to be considerate... and thinking, shd i go back myself??

I went to Co-op, and look for a nice thank you card for him... To thank him being there for me all the time... Wao, every card costs at least 6 bucks.. not worth it le.. !! I decided not to buy, i'll rather draw myself though i'm not talented for drawing... and i found a card for new born, ohya.. His supervisor juz hv a baby last few days, mayb can help him to buy a card for his supervisor.. Sigh.. It costs $8 ++.. decided not to buy also!... Finally, i bought i weekly.. keke...

From last few blogs, feel like he really treating me badly... Yea, he was such a aggressive ppl, he worried my studies more than me... However, without his forcing, his supporting, his encouragement, i know i wouldn't have my 7th semester in NUS. Everyday, he let me not to worry my meals, he would buy my dinner on time, he tried hard to stay up, to buy supper for me... bought hellow kitty, wat incredible pillow from Mc... Count how long i sleep, and he will wake me up, , that's y i dun need an alarm...did anything he could, juz to motivate me, to study hard... I know that he felt so much suffer when i shouted at him when i'm stressed... I was always out of control... So sorry dear... The time he told me "i'm not your all, what you need is to study hard now..."... He let me know, really the fact that he is not my all.. Sometimes, i really try hard not to think too much, try to let go, try not to take this companionship to be tat impt... However, it seems like not so effective... and i know that i couldn't reduce a bit bit my feeling to him, and i also couldn't add more to him, because tat's my maximum!

I believe that i'm felicitious! Without any unhappy past, not only wat happened on him, my family prob, all the prob happened on me... It makes me grow day by day... and i'm becoming more and more treasure on all i hv now... Honestly, i'm really a bit regret that i din really treasure this semester, i should work harder, to fight for my second upper... yea... for my master programme, perhaps.. At least, i might achieve my dream... It's same for him, i can feel, after all, he is more treasure on me.. He always try to understand my feeling... Sometimes, i feel really appreciate! and perhaps, the way to make him love me more, is i have to love myself more, most! At least, i need to hv my own goal... Yea.. I'll love myself, love my family in the way not to do anything to hurt them to hurt myself, and i'll still love him...

Today, Singapore Idol Grand Final.. I have been supporting Sylvester for such a long time... I have been voting him since i know he has risk... I think Taufik will win, he indeed more talent than Syl.. However, love is blind.. haha ! I'll still be there fore Syl... !! Yea.. Syl, go go go !!! Oh ya, one more person to love, SYL !!... haha... Syl.. go go go!!!

My Vacation has started, hasn't it?

2004-12-01T05:50:00.000+08:00

Yuuhoooooooooo~~~~~~~ It's my VACATION now !!!

Monday 1pm, my last paper -- Animal Reproduction.. Again, this is not my favourite.. I found interesting in my level 3 developmental biology, that's y i chose animal reproduction... Wawawa... I'll never forget my 1st lesson, wat 4 theories to support the advantages of sexual reproduction though asexual reproduction cost saver and has high fidelity to maintain the genetic sequences, bla bla bla... end up, it is one of the questions in our paper... Oh no.. nv spot tat it will come out? Since there r so much other impt point under this prof, like genetic imprinting, dosage compensation... !! Well well... could expect how did i do for this paper...

Nvm... It's finally over! I was so happy, so so so excited that i would hv a (not too long) vacation! Time flies, really... That was my last 2nd semester, and i'll be having my last semester after 5-week vacation... I din really plan for this vacation. Perhaps, i'll need to stay in the lab all the while to do my research project as much as possible. Honestly, What Andrea had done really stressed me a lot.. Though she tried hard, she still couldn't finish quite a big part of her project. because it's too late the time we realized that we still hv lotsa lotsa lotsa thing to do... We were too slack in the beginning.. Erm... ppl said that tat's not totally her fault, because Dr.Zhu should have realized it before than us, and let us know what the prob was... I was quite irritated with this kind of thinking. Really! The project is ur own project, the time management is on yourself! I believe that Dr.Zhu has realized the prob long long before we realized by ourselves. However, he wouldn't say out... and all the while, he is giving us whatever he can give, he will help us whatever he can help. I think i'll never forget the time when vice deans of Medicine misunderstood me and blamed me that i'm such a impolite girl, and Dr.Zhu helped me to explain to him. Appreciate when i saw he helped us to look for "better" hotel (china trip) when we feel a bit not happy with the hotel he chose for us previously. Appreciate when i saw he went to look for expert to teach us cryostat, to ask for how to preserve our brain tissues... A lot a lot... I admit that Dr.Zhu has his bad points. However, tell me, who is perfect ?? Why ppl needs to blame their unsuccessful expt on Dr.Zhu... blame on U Yourself ok !!! Anyway, I know Andrea tried really really hard to do it well... So... no matter what her grade, i will still say she did a good job!

I thought Kunyao and Raofeng were juz kidding for "burning notes activity". But, we did it though not burning all the notes. We went to Raofeng's room, and they started to burn notes. The smoke really irritated my eyes... Finally they felt that was not so fun, so, they put the notes in a box which they initially burned the notes in that box, and they said the notes is "deserved" to be there... ! hahaha.... Ohya, they were burning adv immuno... I like adv immuno actually, but i still hate CD1.. Aiks.. i shall bring it here... When we came out from Raofeng's room, we found we had apply "Ren's Perfume"... haha...

Though i din really sleep last nite, and i haven't had any meal for whole day, i meet up Lian Dee and Jesyin to sing K... I dunno whether we have been not singingn together for such a longgggg time, any reasons for tat (?)... We enjoyed so much there... ! We just shouted because we not as power as singapore idol, we can't sing! We fighted for tidbits, we fighted for everything! Allen went there to meet us, and we had dinner together at chinatown... i have not been here for so long... Oh no... I was thinking to buy a thank you card at coop after my 1st paper, but i forgot that.. I shall buy, really.. to thanks Allen that he has been so supporting me duirng my exam period...

I think i hv been greatly influenced by Allen, who really like to sleep! Coming back from chinatown, i had a great fun chatting with my buddies, play online games, watching tv, kacau Allen who sit beside me... i enjoyed so much that i can do whatever i like without thinking whether i'm wasting my time, whether i should go and study... Argh... I'm not willing to sleep... End up, i slept at 5am... Know what time i woke up? I woke up at 7pm in the evening of next day! wah hahahaaa.. I had been sleeping for more than half day... wahahahahaa.. That's y i said i m greatly influenced by him...I got a taiwan series from Lian Dee, "secret garden"... I remember what Jacky Wu said, "secret garden = mimi inflamation".. Hahahaaaa.. It's a yellow joke... I'm chasing it episode by episode now... I want to watch hong kong series that "qin1 chu1 yu2 lan2", where can i get it? Where can i get it???

Missing home so much! Yeahhhh !!!! I can go back soon! Will be going back with Allen on Friday night.. He is trying to apply an unpaid leave, so that we can go to JB earlier, and mayb have a nice movie, shop a while at there before we leave.. No choice, we hv no $, couldn't shop at Singapore. He bought an really expensive HP... Sony Erriccson S700I... Anyway, i saw him really happy for this handphone. Though he couldn't bring me for fun after my exam just because he used up all his $ for this hp, i'm still really happy for him! He happy, i happy.. (he jump? i need to consider...) Should blame myself, k? never save some $ for my vacation...

My result will be released on 24th Dec 11am.. Wao.. Why NUS wan to giv me such a "good" chritmas present? Aiks...

Though i din really plan for the vacation, i still really wish to hv a trip, not too far, say Genting Highland? with Allen... There are lotsa unhappiness happened on us... Yea.. Really wish to hv a trip to "improve" the relationship.. Hahaaa.. nola.. Actually, i juz wan to play !!! Erm.. For both reasons, ok? ... hee hee!!

Dear gambatte!!

2004-11-27T18:36:00.001+08:00

It's 635pm now .....sunday
sorry .... i was sleeping just now and didnt see ur message!!

actually i really wish to say "I love U" so much ...
it is just that i dun know how to express it to u .......
dear...just wanna to tell u ...no matter how ..i always support u ....!!!
gambatte ...!!!

from
Allen

It comes in a wrong timing

2004-11-26T11:02:00.000+08:00

I admitted that i didn't spend lotsa time on my 3rd paper... However, for my 1st and 2nd paper, he said i din spend time also... That's was kinda hurt...None of my friend like me, went through all the papers of adv immuno... even went through the lecture notes of level 3... I believe that lecturer would come out questions of thinking, instead of straight forward... Therefore, i spent time to go thru level 3 immunology, just to strong my background knowledge...Ppl said i'm stupid to spend time on it.. But i still...Somehow, i'll feel, nobody understands me, nvm.. as long as he is there to support me...

For the 1st paper, i kept memorizing memorizing...Mavis studied twice... I know i'm not as clever as her, so, i went through my notes 4 times...I dun dare to sleep the night before of paper, i scared i'll forget everything... I know he is there to support me... However, because i din sleep or what.. My brain just stopped functioning during the exam... I think to spend lotsa time to digest the question...Sadly, he said not because my brain stop, but i din prepare well...

When i got back from my 1st paper which ended at 11am, i told him i'll be sleeping before 1pm.. He said he couldn't believe i can make it. But i did it! coz i knew i need to wake up earlier for my next paper! I was thinking to wake up at 8pm... However, i woke up at 630pm.. I was so exhausted, and i kept telling mavis that i felt like vomitting.. She is worried if i could bear for the whole night...And i felt that, i hv one more night to go...just bear for it... I drank coffee...Around 5am, i felt like really unfeeling well... i was thinking i need a short nap... I woke up at 645am...Same thing happened, my brain stopped functioning... and the way i prepared for my paper is diff from what lecturers tested on us. There are straightforward questions... Though i did try hard to memorize all i can..total 2 long essay and 6 short answer, i try my best to write for at least 1 page per question. However, as compared to others, i knew i din do tat well...

I was really exhausted. And i felt like going out. I told him. Surprisingly, he said ok! And when i came back from my 2nd paper, i just waited for him. Try my best not to sleep. It was raining.. I think i couldn't go out, and i felt asleep at 630... He came back at 8... And we had our dinner together... I slept earlier that night... and i spent a lot of time to sleep... However, he blamed on me.. he felt i use too much time on sleeping... plus all other reasons...That's y i couldn't do well in my last paper. I do not understand, if he is my bf, he would know that i need a lot of sleeping time, and i need continouos sleeping time... And preparing my 1st two papers, i really din sleep a lot... I dun understand, why ... when he saw our fren exhausted and spend a lot of time to sleep after all. he would be kinda understand, know why they r tired, sleep... But all these not happen on me... Blame, blame, blame.... just went into my mind... I know all he said is for my good... but...

As he told me b4, he will need my support... I do need his support also... Though he always says he is supporting me..... Why he is always the one who dun agree with me... dun understand me... When the unhappy past happened, Lian Dee asked me if i can leave him, i said, i can't! as long as he let me know, he is still loving me, no matter what he does, i'll still forgive and be his side... Something i might not agree with him, but as long as he let me know somebody bully him, i'll still be his side, support him and anti the ppl who bully him... Though when the unhappy past happened, he din really say sorry to me, but just let me know what i did and make him feel i dun support him... I still be his side... And i try my best to change all i can... let him feel that i'm really SUPPORT him...

Same thing happen on me...I dunno why, i couldn't appreciate the way he supports me... I couldn't feel that.. I feel very very sad with that... And i told him, i need to be alone, he said this is not a suitable time to say about this. When i persisted, he just let me go... He seems like... he really doesn't need me anymore... and i'm just his burden... I know even if he read through my diary, he wouldn't say anything... When he couldn't feel that i'm supporting him, and i couldn't feel that he is supporting me, i know we come to the point where it's the end of our relationship. Yesterday night, i did to be serious that i need to be alone. But all the way, i know i'm the one who always lost, because i dunno how to really "let him go"...Sometimes, i really wish him, he is the one who said "separate"... At least, he could really let me know, WE END !

He said, if i dun like, and since we r not align, we have different view of opinion. He will rather not to say much... and from now on, he has his way of doing, i hv my own way to do my own stuff.. Is this a pair of couple should do ? I know he won't tok to me even though he read through my diary.. I'm so sad... In past, i feel proud that we hv strong relationship because we hv strong inter-communication. However, i dunno when, we lost this... And we became so weak! I do not know when he will let me know that we end already... But i know, and he know, this will not be said by me myself... because i m weak, i afraid to lost him, and as such, i'm always the one who will lost, and i'm the one who will need to wait for him to announce...

2004-11-26T04:04:00.000+08:00

Allen sister's baby... It's sooo cute... Though i have not seeing her before... I like her very much...

2004-11-26T04:03:00.000+08:00

Allen baby's sister... really really cute !!!

2004-11-26T04:02:00.000+08:00

Allen... My boyfriend... Handsome hoh... kekekee...

My Bad Day~

2004-11-26T02:48:00.000+08:00

Today, oops! no, is yesterday.. Yesterday is my (really) bad day!

My paper of pharmacogenetics... That is my 2nd paper in NUS which i cried for... I did lousily!!! Compulsory question, Cmax increase, AUC increase, but Vd decrease and half life remains the same... Why why why ?? Vd and half life??? Why soooo??? I gave up the presentation part, and of course, i have only 1 question can choose... genetic and non genetic factors that causes the side effect (increase in concentration)... argh... What's the hell issit... I juz smoke all the way... One hour paper.. I have no enough time !!! the time flies, and i sweat though the room is air-conditioned... I saw my classmates, all come out from the exam hall happily...in contrast with my sadness...

i juz wrote a sms to allen ... "very very very very sad"... i was complaining to all of my buddies... I'm soo soooo sooooo sad though they said should be okay.. Be steady... one more paper to go... Be steady, steady, steady steady bom bee bee...?? I wrote an email to Dr.Zakaria to complain also...

My skin peels at my toes... severely... I'm so worried, it is pain sometimes... What a bad day!! Not only my skin, my laptop.. the LCD screem keep flashing again, the display card prob? I have no extra money for it to repair... Everything comes to trouble me now!

Today morning, i went to wake Allen up, he was so exhausted, that make me feel like bad... He woke up, and change his clothes. Around 7am, "Shi hai.." Zach shouted, and allen went off to meet them so they will be taking the same 96 to clementi, as usual... I promised him to forget all the unhappiness, the past... With uneasy feeling, i feel so bad when i saw my boyfriend went off with JJ though Zach was there also... And i know, in order to avoid all unnecessary unhappiness, i need to avoid the chances of seeing them go for working together...I walked back to my room, what was on my hand? Allen's laptop, my notes.... WHERE IS MY KEY???? Oh no...I kneww i'm in trouble, i ran, and i couldn't see them... How could they walk that fast? I just ran, ran, ran, i have no hp, and i hv no room key... If allen has get on the bus, i'll be going for my pharmacogenetics papers with my pajamas!!! I shouted at Allen, and i ran as fast as i could... Luckily, i saw them in front of YIH... Finally, finally and finally, i got my room key back!! Really a bad starting of my new day!!!

I called him around 8am... And i dunno why, he was just like not really willing to talk to me, I'm not sure what was happened! I just ask a lot of nonsense.. In the end, he was angry... I was so angry also, and i sms him and told him that he made my day badly! From his reply, i just knew that he was scolded by his supervisor... ~a lousy supervisor~

I received his call after i sent him a sms that i'm very sad with my paper... He didn't really console me... He is such a aggressive ppl!... He wishes me to study hard for the next paper, dun think so much for the previous few papers.. However, he wanted me to know that i spent too much time on something which is rubbish.. like watching tv...He was so wondered that wat happen to me? Why am i so unhappy today morning... All my mood has been transformed to be his feeling, and he couldn't concentrate at all... Suddenly, i felt damn stress, is like... Why...Am i supposed to be happy, and not unhappy in front of him? And, i wish him to understand, although i promised him not to talk about past, i think no one will feel good when he/she sees his/her couple went off with a "sensitive" ppl. For the studies, mayb i give myself a reason for my laziness or.. watever... Sometimes, i'll really feel lonely, that's why i'll watch tv... when i need to relax a bit... and he couldn't understand... I said, i juz wish to take everything to be easy... He said how about master programme, i said, if i can pull up my CAP, i'll apply, if not, then forget it.. He was so sad, and he asked me.. "what about me if you say so..."

When he got back, he told me that he has rejected the night shift.. Why... He said because of me.. He wishes me not to think that much!... Seriously, I'm not touched... I remembered strongly that he told me "he is not my all"... Yea.. That's a fact, but.. somehow, i feel damn sad with the fact like this, especially when this is spoken by him... And... now, he said.. he rejected the night shift...I asked how long he could tolerate me like this, and i do not want him to suit me , change everything of him.. just because of me... though i know he is trying his best to do well for me...though he answered me he could tolerate me FOREVER which is the word that he won't use, dun use it as a commitment, as a permission to me... And i know this is not a real Allen... Another reason is... His supervisor, a really lousy supervisor, who will just ask from allen and never pay back! Allen would feel, he fight hardly, but his supervisor will not appreciate.. What for... YEA!! WHAT FOR... However, somehow, i still wish allen to join the night shift, if he could really learn somthing from it...

Am i having a really different view with Allen? Are we really not in the same line? In this case, how long we could last? I really wish not to lose this companionship... But somehow, it's really a tough job to overcome all the prob that we face... Is it the same difficult for other couples?

I'll really need to try my best for my last paper, which is animal reproduction... a quite hopeless module... I didn't perform well throughout the whole semester.. what i could do??

Lian Dee send me a joke:
What do you get when you add 1 mole of barium and 2 moles of sodium?
Ans: BaNaNa
It's funny...

2004-11-24T23:09:00.000+08:00

Feel so exhausted... jealous at those ppl who can sleep earlier...

Pharmacogenetics is really not my cup of tea... I'm not anti at prof Edmund... I juz couldn't understand his lesson all the way... I'm so ill-prepared! Really appreciate that KunYao explained a lot to me!!
CYP2D6 will be the most impt??! change of Vd doesn't change the concentration, but the peak and trough during steady state...genetic polymorphism... Headache... why i dun hv so called "common sense"... =.=

Thinking to go and grab some food at raffles hall... However, he had slept... I dun really willing to go alone...He said will wake up to accompany me later.. However, i think he were too exhausted, and couldn't wake up again...

He called me after half an hour... finally, we went together... =D

will fight for my pharmacogenetics again later.. :) I really couldn't wait for next monday !!!!!

2004-11-24T13:08:00.000+08:00

Dr. Sun Yat-Sen's mausoleum scenic spot (china, nanjing)... It's so tired after climbing up all the staircase !!!

Tough, Yet.. Touched !

2004-11-23T02:25:00.000+08:00

My 7th final exam in NUS... I have done two papers with lousy performance... sigh... it's so disappointing... ~I failed to detoxify (toxicology) myself this morning (22/11), and i am having immuno-deficiency (adv immuno on 23/11)...~
Maybe... I'm really ill-prepared for the exam... it's really demoralized !

The exam period ... It's really tough, really really tough... esp for this semester... everything goes so wrongly, everything was really out of my control...Without him, i'll need to mix my day and night alone... When i'm bored, nobody is talking with me in the mid night... and i feel myself going to sick... feeling cold, stress... arghhhh !!! I cannot wait for next monday which is the day of my semester end!

Yet... it's a touched period! Shall note it down after my exam... =)

Wish all the best to myself... my next will be pharmacogenetics !

Stephy's LiFe

Marseille的黄昏

有你在,一切都变得那么美好~ :)

不太寂寞的孤单生活~

I'M BORED

The more i know, the more i hate this person

~HaPpY GRANDMOTHER~

Mother --> grandmother

CNY & V-day ~ 2006

Off to KL!!!

TRUST

a post with all rubbish

3D2N @ Genting Highlands ~ 20/6 -- 22/6

my HOME

master programme: my acknowledgement

30/05/05~05/06/05: a week of breakpoint

Congrats, Stephy!

My family

my 1st blog at home!

Home SWEET Home

Juz for my love... ~Allen~

Stephy's record

Condolence

HONOURS

Last month of NUS undergraduate life

~gigi sakit~ (toothache)

~Warmth~

Congrats Dear...

White Valentines' day ~ 2005

~U & ME~

~time flies~

BIG Sale ~ day wif full of FOOL!

Life with *CHALLENGE*

Happy Valentine's Day ~ 2005

~treasure~

Joy...?

I believe i can make it... I juz DO

My baby weighed <1 microliter

保佑

要努力开心

Tsunami -- Devastating !

Blessed

Come back pls, Stephy!

Days with Labs, Worries...

Drawing drawing and drawing

Love...

Home Sick

~InDepEnDenCe~

My Vacation has started, hasn't it?

Dear gambatte!!

It comes in a wrong timing

My Bad Day~

Tough, Yet.. Touched !

Life with CHALLENGE